Not the Same
by dendragon14
Summary: After disappearing at a young age, Raphael is reunited with his family after eleven years of being separated. After such a large time gap and a cruel upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still under this hardened shell of a teenager? Rated T for some swears and slightly disturbing themes.
1. Chapter One: Lost and Found

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael disappeared at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
**

* * *

"_It's never too late to have a happy childhood." ~ Tom Robbins, "Still Life with a Woodpecker"  
_

* * *

__Chapter One: Lost and Found

_ "Wait for the rest of us, Raph," Leo called. Leo glanced back over his shoulder to Mikey and Donnie, who were tagging along on their skateboard and rollerblades, respectively, before glancing up ahead again to Raphael.  
He saw Raph come to a slow halt on his bike and glance impatiently over his shoulder at Leo and the others. The bike was brand new-a gift from their father for his fifth birthday- and Raph had ridden it the majority of the day yesterday. He had begged to go out riding again, and he could only go out riding if Leo was with him, and although Leo had a pile of homework to do, he enjoyed seeing his second youngest brother happy for a change; he was usually such a miserable child._

_"LEO," Donnie cried, beckoning his elder brother to his side. "Mikey tripped me with his skateboard."  
"I did not," Mikey retorted, "Donnie fell on it."  
"That's only because you stopped in front of me, Mikey."_

_Leo glanced over at Donnie and Mikey who were sporting cuts on their hands and knees from colliding and hitting the pavement together. He glanced over to Raphael, who looked rather impatient.  
"I'm going to take Donnie and Mikey back home to clean their cuts."  
"I want to keep riding," Raph stated firmly.  
"Okay," Leo replied reluctantly. He knew that he shouldn't be letting any of his brothers out of his sight, but he didn't have the time or energy to fight with Raph at the moment. "You can ride down to the end of the street and back home, okay?" Raph nodded an affirmative and pedaled past Leo._

_Leo trailed behind Donnie and Mikey back towards their house. Once he had cleaned and bandaged Donnie's knees and Mikey's palms, Leo went to sit out on the front porch and wait for Raphael while his other two brothers jumped on the trampoline in the backyard.  
As five minutes turned into ten, Leo was starting to lose patience. It couldn't possibly take that long to ride from one end of the street to the other. Now annoyed, Leo got to his feet and made his way down to the end of the street. As he neared the end of the street, he spotted something lying in the gutter. At first, he thought Raph might have hurt himself somehow, but as he got to the corner of the street, he saw no sign of Raphael._

_Instead, there, in the gutter, was Raph's Red Rocket bike, tipped on its side, one of the training wheels slowly spinning. And next to it, lay Raph's bike helmet. He glanced up from the bike and down the street; there was no sign of his little brother.  
Panic flooded Leo's chest as he began to search for his brother.  
"Raph," he called out. He turned the corner onto the next street. "RAPH!" Desperately, Leo looked around, his heart beating faster with each passing moment. Where could he have gone? Did he even run off? Or did someone take him?_

_"No, don't think like that," Leo growled to himself. He took in a deep shaky breath and exhaled, forcing himself to regain some of his calm.  
His first thought was to call the police, but decided to call their father instead. Leo remembered hearing that the police only involved themselves in missing person cases after forty eight hours._

_He ran back to the house and stampeded through the halls until he had the phone in his hands. With shaky hands, he dialed the number for his father's dojo. His father picked up the second ring.  
"Father," Leo cried, struggling to contain his tears, "You need to come home immediately."_

_"Leonardo, what is the problem? What is so urgent that I must return home so suddenly?"  
Leo glanced over to Donnie and Mikey, whose heads were poking around the corner of the living room, silently watching their big brother. He didn't want to appear weak in front of them. Turning away from them, Leo wiped hastily at the tears that had begun to stream down his cheeks.  
"I lost Raph."  
_

* * *

__Donnie had never been an earlier riser, and hearing the phone ring at seven in the morning on a Saturday made him groan in displeasure. He had lost track of time working with his latest addition to his numerous inventions, and had only just gone to bed two hours earlier. Never being a deep sleeper, Donnie was the only one among his brother's that heard the incessant ringing of the phone. Either that or they were ignoring it, hoping someone else would answer it.

His feet dragged along the carpeted floor and his hand fumbled for the phone that rested on the table in the upstairs hallway.  
"Hello," he moaned, stifling a yawn, "Hamato residence, Donnie speaking? Who's this?" He heard some shuffling on the other end of the phone line, followed by someone clearing their throat.

"I'm so sorry to be calling at such an early hour," a woman replied, her voice gentle, "But may I speak to Yoshi Hamato."  
"Just a moment," he replied. He wandered his way down the hall towards his father's room. Donatello was rarely in his father's bedroom. When he was younger, there had been the odd time when he had crawled into bed with his father to chase away his nightmares, but other than the odd house chore of vacuuming or laundry, Donnie never passed the threshold of his father's door.

Quietly, he pushed the door open and shuffled over to the side of his bed. As gently as possible, he shook his father's shoulder, rousing him from his slumber. He could see the subtle confusion in his father's eyes as he blinked away the sleep.  
"Donatello-"  
"There's someone calling for you," he said curtly, offering the phone out to his father. Yoshi propped himself onto his elbows and took the phone from Donatello's hand.

"Yoshi Hamato speaking; how may I help you?"  
"Yes, this is officer Munroe calling from the downtown police station. I'm calling to let you know that your son is down at the station, waiting for pickup."  
"My son," Yoshi repeated, slightly confused. He glanced to Donatello, who was beginning to fall asleep on his feet. Gently, he nudged his son, who startled to alertness.

"Donatello, would you please make sure that your brother's are home." With a slightly confused expression, Donnie did as he was told and quietly peeked into Leo and Mikey's bedrooms to see them both bundled up beneath their covers.  
"Yeah, they're in bed," Donatello muttered.  
"I'm sorry, officer Munroe, but I think that you have made an error; all of my sons are…"

His voice trailed off as he felt his heart clench tightly. Was it possible?  
"Raphael…Is it Raphael," he asked hesitantly. His throat was suddenly dry as the desert as he struggled to find his words. His second youngest was alive? Could it really be true?  
All those years ago-eleven years- and there was not a day that went by when Yoshi did not think about his son. He had searched aimlessly for months on end, hoping against hope that Raphael was somewhere out there. Yet, deep in his heart, he knew that if children were not found within the forty-eight hour mark, it was likely the child was dead. But, he reminded himself, that was only if he was abducted, and there was some small part of him that refused to believe that his son might have been kidnapped. Somewhere around the four year mark, his logic began to speak to him that if they had not found Raphael by now, it was more than likely he was lost to the world.

The very thought that he might reunite with his second youngest sent his heart soaring into a frantic beating as fast as a humming birds wings.  
"Yes, sir," officer Munroe responded, sounded slightly confused, "It is Raphael."  
"I'll be right over as soon as possible. Thank you." Hastily he placed the phone on the bedside table and untangled himself from his bed sheets. Grabbing a pair of pants and a shirt, he quickly dressed before running out into the hallway. He spotted Donatello leaning against the doorframe to him room, his eyes closed.

"Donatello," Yoshi cried rather loudly, again startling his son to sudden alertness, "Wake your brothers. We must go to the police station."  
"Why," Donnie asked, his eyes half closed. Right now, all he wanted to do was go back to sleep.  
There was creak of hinges as Leo's door opened, revealing his eldest son standing in the doorway, wiping the sleep from his eyes.  
"Father, what's going on," he asked sleepily. "Why were you raising your voice?" Yoshi placed a hand on his two eldest sons' shoulders. He could not keep the smile off of his face.  
"They have found Raphael."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so there is the first chapter. What do you all think; should I continue? I plan to have more flashbacks throughout the story, along with POV changes. I appreciate any and all reviews; constructive criticism is welcomed.**

~dendragon14


	2. Chapter Two: Welcome Home

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
**

* * *

"_All things truly wicked start from something innocent."~Ernest Hemmingway  
_

* * *

__Chapter Two: Welcome Home

Leo had been the only one willing to drive along with their father to the police station. Although technically, he had been the only one awake enough to be happy about receiving the news about his little brother. For the past eleven years, Leo had blamed himself for his brother's disappearance and Yoshi knew this. He had tried to lighten the burden on his eldest son's shoulders, and told him time and again that it was not his fault that Raphael was gone, but nothing seemed to help the pain that dwelled in Leonardo's heart.  
But now, as they pulled into the police parking lot, Yoshi could see the apprehension and excitement in Leo's posture.  
"Do not be nervous, my son. You should be happy; we are about to be reunited with your brother, my third son."

"I'm not nervous," Leo responded quietly. This was utterly a lie; his nerves were severely racked with anticipation. As they entered the police station, a man dressed in a grey, dapper suit approached them, a warm smile on his face,  
"Are you Yoshi Hamato," the man asked politely. Yoshi nodded an affirmative. The man's smile widened, his eyes shinning brightly.  
"It's nice to meet you Mr. Hamato. I'm Vern Fenwick, a social worker with CPS: I've been working Raph's case for awhile now." He extended his hand towards Yoshi, which he took and shook firmly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Fenwick." He gestured to Leonardo who stood beside him. "This is my eldest son Leonardo." Vern shook Leo's hand firmly.  
"I know you both are probably itching to see Raphael. I've already told him about your arrival, I'm just giving him some time to process it. I'll take you to him in just a moment." Mr. Fenwick headed down a hall and into a small room on the side that Yoshi noticed was labeled "interrogation".  
As he and Leo waited, the Raphael he remembered bubbled to the surface of his memory and Yoshi could only wonder if his son was still anything like he was when he was five.

When he was young, Yoshi had always considered Raphael to have been somewhat of a sensitive child. Underneath the rough exterior that he wore, he had a gentle, warm interior. Yoshi could see that his feelings were easily hurt and that he seemed somewhat desperate for his father's attention. His temperament made up for his sensitivity though; the sudden outburst of anger and frustration were something Yoshi had learned to deal with when Raphael was still an infant; he had always been somewhat of a miserable child.

Although he had taken down pictures with Raphael in them to ease his aching heart, Yoshi still clearly remembered his young son's face. Delicate features with piercing amber eyes, his face still rounded with that of a young boy, almost cherub like. Wild, dirty blond hair that was near unmanageable.  
"Well, I think he's handling the entire situation rather well. You can go and see him now," Mr. Fenwick stated. He directed them down the short hall to the room he had previously been in. With each step, Yoshi could feel his heart beat stronger and faster. This was it; he was going to be reunited with Raphael.

Mr. Fenwick pushed open the door and gestured for Yoshi and Leo to enter. The room was small, barely big enough for the metal table and chairs it held. On the far side of the room was Raphael, who stopped mid pace.  
The boy that stood before him was nothing like that of the boy he remembered. Long gone was the roundness of his face, leaving behind angular, delicate features that made his amber eyes appear more prominent. His eyes were still as piercing as he remembered, but he could see that there was a haunted look deep within. His once dirty blond hair was now a deep shade of red- he assumed it to be dyed- but was just as wild as he remembered.

"My son," he exclaimed happily, pulling Raphael into his arms. He felt Raphael tense at the sudden closeness and noticed that he did not return the hug, but neither did he shrug the affectionate gesture off. He held Raphael at arms' length, a smile plastered upon his face. "It is so good to see you alive and well, my son."  
There was a slight pause before Raph briefly returned the smile.  
"Yeah, its, uh- it's good to see you too." His voice was deep, and had a rough edge to it. It was so different compared the voice of the young boy he remembered. Yoshi couldn't help but feel somewhat sad as he realized how much of Raphael's life he hadn't been a part of.  
"Well," Vern said happily, "Best we not keep you here longer than you need to be. Let's head out the front. I was about to leave and wanted to Raph his things." He gestured towards the door. Leo and Raphael left the room first. Before Yoshi could follow his sons, Mr. Fenwick pulled him back into the room and quietly shut the door. Vern handed a folded piece of paper to Mr. Hamato. On it was the name of a doctor and underneath that, an address and phone number.

"What is this for," Yoshi asked.  
"I have a friend who is a child psychologist. I think that you should have it on hand for Raphael's sake." Yoshi felt himself frown in disapproval.  
"Why is that," Yoshi asked, his voice stern.

"Raphael is a good kid underneath that rough shell he puts on. But, he's only been in foster care since age twelve. Whatever happened to him before then I'm not sure, but I believe that it was not pleasant for him. One of the foster parents he's had returned him to the home because of how extreme his night terrors are." Vern sighed heavily, taking in Yoshi's stern expression. "Look, Mr. Hamato, I've only known your son for four years, and it took all four for him to trust me to the point of feeling safe in a room alone with just me. I want you and you're sons to be close, like a family should be; that is my job after all. I know that a therapist might help resolve some issues that Raph has."  
"I appreciate the concern," Yoshi replied, sliding the card into his coat pocket. He pushed the troubled thoughts that had popped into his head to the back of his consciousness; he would deal with them later.

* * *

"So, I'll be around in a week or so to see how you're settling in," Vern said. Vern handed a business card over to Raphael along with his duffel bag from the foster home. "Don't be afraid to call me for anything." He patted Raph on the shoulder and turned to leave, waving once as he climbed back into his car. Slightly despaired, Raphael watched him drive off, suppressing the urge to run after him.

Vern was the first person he had trusted in a long time, and now, he was being placed with his biological family that he barely remembered. Raph couldn't help but feel somewhat betrayed; Vern had said he'd always be there for him. Even though that was still technically true, Vern would no longer be the guy just down the hall-that would be his father.

He had never completely forgotten about his family, but the memories of them were fuzzy. He couldn't really remember much about his father besides the fact that he ran a dojo somewhere on the east end of the city, and that he was always at work or doing something else important that didn't concern him.  
His brothers he could remember slightly more about. He remembered that Mikey had always been a bother around him, and Raph vaguely wondered if he had matured any in eleven years. Donnie was the smart guy; Raph remembered him taking the small kitchen appliances apart and putting them together after seeing how they worked. Leo, he didn't remember quite as well, but Raph remembered him being very responsible for only being nine years old.

After Vern's car was long out of sight, Raph hoisted the duffel bag across his shoulder and turned to face his father and brother, who were both standing beside a tired looking pickup truck. Resigned, Raph went to join them, throwing his bag into the bed of the pickup and seating himself next to Leo  
The drive to the house took maybe a half hour at the most. A rather uncomfortable silence had fallen between the three of them, leaving them to their own minds. It made it even more uncomfortable for Raph since the truck was only a three seater.

"So, why were you at the police station to begin with," Leo asked, trying to break the awkward silence that surrounded the three of them. Raph glanced away from the window he'd been staring out and looked at Leo.  
"Uh, I sorta went for a joyride on some guy's motorcycle. Cops pulled me over for speeding and brought me in when I didn't have a drivers' license," he replied, sounding somewhat embarrassed. Yoshi felt his eyebrows rise in surprise; his son was out committing felonies? In his peripheral vision, he saw Leonardo's small look of surprise. Apparently, neither of them had been expecting something like that. Yoshi was trying hard to replace the image of an innocent little boy with the ragged teenager before him. It would take some time to get used to.

Yoshi and Leo couldn't help but notice how Raph tensed as they turned the final corner that led onto their street. Leo could sympathize with his brother; that corner was where Raph had disappeared from their lives for eleven years. It was more than likely that seeing the spot where he was kidnapped would trigger a painful memory.  
Once they had pulled up in front of the house, Raph was the first one out of the car. He couldn't handle how stuffy the truck was, with their bodies squished up against each other. raph hated touching people and hated it even more when people touched him.  
He stared up at the house, a sense of familiarity washing over him; even though it felt familiar, it didn't feel right. He hadn't had a home in eleven years. Although he had had several foster parents, it never lasted. They always wanted someone who was younger, or better tempered, or a girl. He hadn't had much luck in life.

The house was well sized-big enough to fit five people- and had a cozy feel to it. It was painted a beige color that could only be considered homey. The window frame and doors were painted a mahogany color, which Raph thought made the place look complete. A swinging sign hung from the porch ceiling, the family's last name painted stylishly on the wood.  
It all seemed familiar, but yet, he couldn't really remember it; it was just out of his reach.  
"Welcome home, my son," Yoshi said, his voice gentle. He rested his hand on Raphael's shoulder. "We have missed you all so much." He gestured towards the house.  
"Go on inside, Donatello and Michelangelo are expecting you."

Raph let himself in and walked the first couple steps into the house, surveying it. This seemed familiar too. From where he stood he saw wooden floor run throughout the first floor. A pair of glass paned doors to his left opened up into a living, dining room combination. The room was painted a rich brown color. Golden throw pillows and area carpets commented the room nicely. On his right was an office that was painted a deep green. On the wall where the desk sat was some sort of symbol that Raph recognized as Chinese or Japanese.  
At the end of the hall he saw was the kitchen. From the little of the kitchen he could see, he saw that the countertops were a mixed marble of different shades of grey, the counters a deep brown color. Everything was so modern. Raph assumed that there had been a good amount of money put into renovations.

Before he could walk any further into the house he heard two sets of feet pounding down the staircase, followed by excited whispering. They rounded the corner, both of them sliding on the hard wood floor in their socked feet. Both stopped just shy of bowling Raph over. They both wore expressions of anxious excitement.  
For a long, awkward moment, the three of them just stood there, staring at one another. From what he assumed, Donatello was the taller of the two, plus he wore an aura that practically screamed "nerd alert".  
Before he could even get out a hello, Mikey suddenly lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Raph.

"Welcome home, brother!"

* * *

**Okay, so there is the second chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. I will try to update as frequently and as soon as possible. Thank you all for your reviews and for those who have favourite-d me of followed me. :)**

**A/N: In response to a comment from a guest reader; I do believe that I have read **_**Fading Back to Red **_**and I will say that I am not trying to copy that story in any way. Although it may seem similar, I intend to make this story my own.**


	3. Chapter Three: A Chance

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
**

* * *

"_Innocence is a kind of insanity"~ _Graham Greene, _The Quiet American  
_

* * *

Chapter Three: A Chance

Michelangelo had only been three and a half years old when Raph disappeared-too young to understand what was truly going on. He very vaguely remembered Raphael-he remembered they had shared a room, and that he always had a bad temper- but he couldn't remember what his brother sounded like or what he looked like. He could only wonder what Raph was like now, after eleven years of being separated from them all. Would he be just as miserable as Mikey remembered him, or would he seem to have turned over a new leaf in life?

Now, as he stood before his older brother, Mikey couldn't help but feel overcome with happiness. Out of instinct, he had hugged Raph; it felt like the brotherly thing to do. He felt Raph's shoulders tense, and Mikey suddenly wondered if he had done something wrong. Awkwardly, he pulled away.  
As though sensing the sudden awkwardness, Donnie stepped in between Mikey and Raph.  
"I can take your bag for you," he offered.  
"S'okay," Raph muttered, hoisting the bag higher on his shoulder, "I got it." The front door opened and Leo and their father walked in.

"What are we all doing standing in the doorway," Leo asked, "We'll give you the tour of the house." They showed him the main floor, followed by the basement, which seemed to have been converted into a game room of some sort. The second floor consisted of five bedrooms and a bathroom. Three of the doors had decorations on them that clearly defined each brother's personality. Raph studied the posters of skateboarders on one door and placed it with Mikey; Leo and Donnie didn't seem like skateboarders. The second door had a biological hazard sign posted to it- Donnie's room- Raph assumed. The third door had to be Leo's, but Raph couldn't read the Japanese characters that were on the door.

"You and Mikey used to share a room," Leo stated, drawing Raph's attention away from the doors. "You can have the guest room to yourself…or Mikey could share, if it's okay with him." Raph glanced over briefly at Michelangelo before turning away from Mikey's bedroom and headed over to the guest bedroom.  
"Do the doors lock from inside," Raph asked, receiving nods from the others. "Cool," he muttered, slipping inside the guest room, quietly pushing the door shut. Once the door was closed, the three remaining brothers exchanged a look.  
"Well, that was awkward," Donnie said, his eyes focused on the guest room door. "I thought he'd be a little happier to be back with his family."  
"Yeah," Mikey whined, "It has been eleven years and all."

"Give him a break, guys," Leo said, "It has been eleven years, and we've all changed-give him some time to readjust." Leo and Donnie went to their respective rooms, while Mikey went downstairs to start lunch.  
Leo entered his room, sank down onto his bed and glanced up at the bulletin board that hung over his desk. It was filled with pictures of him and his brothers, a visual time line of them growing up. He couldn't help but feel sad that Raph disappeared from the pictures at age five; it was like someone had erased him from history. He would have to find the opportunity to take Raph's picture so Leo could update his timeline of pictures. It would make the amount of guilt in his heart diminish.

As Mikey went about collecting ingredients from the refrigerator and cupboards, he paused to consider what Raph wanted. He couldn't remember what Raphael liked to eat when he was younger, and he didn't know what he liked to eat now; for all he knew, Raph could be a vegetarian. Mikey considered about going up and asking, but he didn't want to disturb his brother; if had half the temper he had had when they were younger, Mikey didn't want to be in the line of sight when he got mad.

Donnie busied himself on his laptop, quietly mulling over all the questions that he wanted to ask his brother. He wondered if Raph still liked the things he did when they were younger; motorcycles, ninjas, and pizza. He wondered what kind of music he liked; Donnie assumed that it would be heavy rock or maybe punk metal; if he did, Donnie hoped that he wasn't the kind that blasted the music as loud as it would go.

Raph took in his new room and sighed. This just wouldn't do; everything was in the wrong spot. He pulled off his sweat shirt and threw it onto the bed. With little effort, he began to pull the bed and nightstand towards the window so that it faced the door, and then he moved the desk so that it sat next to the door so when he sat down, he could see out into the hall. The dresser he moved to the back corner of the room. Call it OCD, but Raph had to have full view of the door. Once he was finished, he threw his duffel bag under the bed and he lay down on the bed and glanced up at the ceiling. The room was cozy enough, but he hated the beige walls; it was so boring. If he could, he'd like to paint it as soon as possible.

He lay on his bed, lost in thought, for another half hour before he heard Mikey calling everyone down for lunch. Although Raph wasn't particularly hungry, he went and joined his family at the kitchen table. Besides the odd comment about the food, an awkward silence hung in the air between the five of them. It was broken once or twice by their father who tried to ignite a conversation, but none of his attempts really went anywhere.

* * *

Raph spent the remainder of the day wandering about the house, trying to commit it to memory. The house itself seemed familiar, but any memory he had of the house was fuzzy. He ghosted from room to room, studying objects of interest. As he completed his round of the house, he came to realize that there were no pictures of him. He saw pictures of his three brothers, together or alone, but he had not seen any pictures of himself. Raph couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness spark deep within his chest; they had tried to forget about him. The spark of sadness dimmed to an ember that was quickly replaced by anger. They had tried to _forget_ about him.

Raph marched back up to his room, closing and locking the door firmly into place. He lied down on the bed and huffed. As quickly as his anger appeared, it vanished, replaced with confusion. Did his family try to forget him? Or were they taking away the image of their pain? Had they truly missed him? Were they happy he was home?  
Rolling off the bed and onto the floor, Raph grabbed his duffel bag from under the bed and rummaged around in it until he found his CD player. Although he would have preferred an IPod or something more modern, the CD player had been a gift from Vern. It had been the first gift he remembered receiving since he was five; call it sentimentality, but it was special to him.  
For the next hour or so, he listened to his favorite songs on a mixed CD that he had made for himself, staring out the window, left to his own thoughts. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard someone banging on his bedroom door.  
"What," he called out, pulling off his headphones.  
"Dinner's ready," Mikey said, "Are you going to come and eat with us?" Raph paused, considering the option of staying in the bedroom. Dinner would probably be a repeat of lunch; awkward silence between the five of them. But Raph didn't want to come off as rude or anti social in anyway; he wanted to show them that he was trying to reconnect with them.  
"I'll be down in a minute."

* * *

"So, Raph, what do you like to do," Mikey asked suddenly, desperate to break the silence that increasingly becoming more awkward by the moment. Raph leaned back in his chair, placing his fork and knife down on the plate.  
"I don't know," he said, "I don't exactly have a favourite hobby or anything."  
"Do you like video games," Mikey asked, his voice hopeful. Raph shrugged and returned to eating his dinner.

"Don't really play video games much," he muttered. "I think the last video game I played was when I was thirteen. It was Pac Man."  
"Pac Man," Mikey cried out in exasperation, "That's such an old game, dude! You should play some of the games that I got-they're really awesome. Besides, Donnie's head is always in a book and Leo never likes to play video games with me."  
"I think you haven't the other way around Mikey," Donnie commented, "_You _don't like to play games with Leo because he always beats you."  
"That's because he practices when I'm sleeping; that's totally unfair."

Raph watched as his brothers as they continued to talk about video games. He didn't really care that he wasn't actively involved in their conversation; just watching and listening to them made him happy. But, deep down, it also made him feel sad. He held back a sigh as he continued to eat. He was glad he had his family back, but after being gone for so long, he was like the puzzle piece from a different puzzle-he didn't fit.

Yoshi saw the way his second youngest observed his three other sons and he couldn't help but feel sympathetic; he could understand if Raphael felt out of place; it would take some time to settle into the family again.

After dinner, they didn't see much of Raph. He had retreated to his room, which Mikey noticed that he had rearranged since arriving here. The bed now was next to the window, facing the door, the desk next to the door and the dresser in the far corner of the room. The duffel bag that Raph had arrived with was neatly placed under the bed, and he noticed no clothing lying around, so he assumed Raph was finished unpacking.  
He had tried to lure Raph out of his bedroom by tempting him with a video game and some popcorn, but Raph had refused, muttering something about how he wanted to be alone for the night. It was around ten thirty when they heard his door close, followed by the sound of a lock clicking into place.

"He's real friendly," Mikey commented sarcastically as he came tromping down the stairs into the kitchen. "It's still kind of early and he's going to bed. He's such a drag."  
"Don't be like that, Mikey," Donnie said, glancing briefly up from his laptop. "This is still very new to him. He's probably tired from today; I know I would be. Give him a chance."

**A/N: Okay, there is chapter three. Sorry it took so long to update. I will tell you all now, that the fourth chapter will contain some content that might be disturbing or unsettling to some. And there will be more flashbacks, which will help fill in Raph's past before being reunited with his family. So feel free to follow, favourite and review and thank you to all those have already done so.**

~dendragon14


	4. Chapter Four: Stuck in the Past

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
**

* * *

_Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. ~ J.K Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire  
_

* * *

Chapter Four: Stuck in the Past

He lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to calm his racing heart. His hair was damp with sweat, as was his pillow and his bed sheets which were tangled around his body. He glanced at his wrist watch that lay on the night stand and sighed heavily; it was only three in the morning. Rolling over onto his side, Raph flipped his pillow over, revealing the cool side and kicked his sheets to the end of his bed. Reluctantly, he fell back asleep; dreading what dreams his mind would create.

_She placed the switchblade into his hand, curling his fingers around the hilt. Her eyes were bright with a ferocity Raph had seen numerous times when she had tried to fight off her "clients". Her hair was a tangled rat's nest, her face was pale and she had dark bags under her eyes, and yet, she was beautiful.  
"When you see a chance, take it and run," she whispered. Raph stared at the folded up switchblade, numb. He couldn't do this, not alone. He glanced at her with pleading eyes, begging her not to let him do this alone. A ghost of smile reached her lips. Reaching around her neck, she unclasped the pendant that she always wore._

_She placed the pendant-a silver bird in flight- around his neck. She smiled and caressed his cheek, rubbing away the tear trails._  
_"You're like a son to me, Raphael," she whispered, "I want you to have a life, something I never did. So when I distract them, you run."_  
_"But-"_  
_"Promise me," she said, her voice growing stern. "Promise me you will take this chance." Raph nodded wordlessly as fresh tears trickled down his cheeks. He did not want to leave her; she had been so kind to him these past seven years. She smiled at his affirmation and rose to her feet. Grabbing Raph by the hand, she pulled him out into the hall and instructed him to hide in a doorway that was nearest the exit._

_"I'll distract them," she whispered. "When you see an opening, run and do not stop." She turned to leave but Raph reached out for her, latching onto her wrist._  
_"What if they chase me," he asked quietly. She gestured to the switchblade that was held tightly in his hand._  
_"You do what you have to, even if it means killing them." She kissed Raph on the cheek and ran a hand through his hair, a sad smile on her face. "Don't feel guilty for killing scum like them. And don't feel guilty for what I'm about to do." She proceeded down the hall, making a tremendous amount of noise as she did, hammering on each door._

_"What the hell is going on-" one man demanded angrily as he stuck his head out the door. As two more men appeared from different rooms, she began to yell at them, cursing a blue streak, rambling about nothing. There was the distinct sound of skin against skin as she slapped one of the men who had tried to grab her._  
_Raph wasn't exactly sure what happened next; her back was to him and she was surrounded by the bad men, but the next thing he knew, he saw a knife dropping to the ground, covered to the hilt in blood. Clutching at her neck, she stumbled back several steps and fell to her knees, while a pool of blood collected underneath her._  
_"Angel!"_

* * *

Raph jolted awake, his hair plastered to his face with cold sweat. He ran a hand over his face and down his throat, clutching tightly at the pendant that hung around his neck. Damn his subconscious, making him relive his worst memories, when he had tried so hard to hide them; he couldn't afford to get caught up in the past. The past was the past, he should be able to push it away and forget it, but his inner mind kept reminding him.  
Raph nearly fell out of bed as a knock on the door made him jump; he'd have to get used to people knocking on the door instead of just barging in when they felt like it._  
_  
"Raphael, may I please come in," his father asked. Pushing himself off the bed, Raph quickly pulled on the clothes he had worn yesterday before going to the door and pulling it open._  
_ "Are you alright, my son," Yoshi asked, a concerned expression crossing his features, "You look pale."  
"Uh, yeah-I-I'm fine. What did you want?"  
"On Sundays, your brothers and I usually go down to the dojo to practice. But they thought that you might wish to do something else." Raph's thoughts temporarily stalled as he processed his father's words, a smile slowly crawling onto his face. He couldn't remember the last time someone had asked him if there was something he wanted to do. Usually, he was told that he was going to do something and that was the end of discussion; he never got any say in the matter.

And, now, since he had his own room, Raph wanted to personalize it; he wanted to make it his. He hadn't had his own room before; he'd always had to share rooms with other foster kids and temporary brothers and sisters, but they never lasted.  
"Um, well…I kinda wanted to get some paint or something for the bedroom. I mean, if that's okay with you; beige is kind of boring."  
His father gave him a warm smile, something Raphael vaguely remembered. "Of course I don't mind if you the paint the room. It is _your_ room, after all."

* * *

Leo was more than happy to accompany Raph to the mall. Even Mikey and Donnie had willingly joined in; anything to spend time with their brother. In all honesty, Leo was curious about his brother's interests; there was probably so much that he didn't know about Raph.  
"Where'd you get the money, bro," Mikey asked, sarcasm lacing his voice.  
"I robbed a bank," Raph replied sarcastically. He folded the wallet up and shoved it into his back jean pocket. "I got it from my bank account, you bonehead."  
"Yeah, but where'd you get the money?" Mikey asked. If he was trying to annoy Raph, he was off to a splendid start.

"I've had jobs," he replied, "Used to work at a repair shop; it paid really well."  
"So you like cars," Donnie asked.  
Raph shrugged. "Cars are okay. What I really like are motorcycles." He glanced over to Leo, a ghost of a smile crossing his face. "Right Leo?" Donnie and Mikey glanced at their eldest brother.

"What's he mean?"  
"The entire reason he was at the police station was because he hijacked someone's motorcycle and took it for a joy ride."  
"Were you trying to give off the badass impression," Donnie asked. Raph smirked, suppressing a smile.  
"Nah, I just really wanted to ride it and didn't want to wait until I got my license."

As they continued through to make their way through the mall, Leo watched intently at what Raph chose to adorn his room with; posters of Three Days Grace, Rise Against, Korn and Skrillex and several other bands that Leo didn't preferably like, a lava lamp and LED light that changed color, several zigzag shelves to hold books and CDs and a dark red comforter with black stripes for the bed.

They went to the paint shop last. Mikey was assisting Raph in what colors to choose while Donnie and Leo hung back, watching with amusement as Michelangelo harassed Raph to choose something wild like Flamingo Pink.  
"You know, you're watching Raph like a hawk before it dives in for the kill. I'm pretty sure he's not going to disappear from sight if you blink," Donnie muttered.  
Leo smirked. "Yeah, well, I lost him once; I'm not going to take the chance of losing him again."

* * *

When they arrived home, the four of them went straight up to Raph's room to begin painting. They applied two coats of the paint on the walls and while they waited for the paint to dry, they dragged the dresser, desk, nightstand and bed headboard out into the backyard, where they applied a stain to the wood that turned it a deep brown color that was almost black.

Once finished, they dragged the furniture back up and placed it into the middle of the room while the paint continued to dry. The walls were painted a deep red color, the moulding on the walls painted terra-cotta. Leo had to admit that the dark color suited him, and he assumed red was still Raph's favourite color. Although he was happy to spend the day with out with Raph, Leo couldn't help but wonder where the urge to paint the room had come from. He wondered if Raph had even had his own room before or what had even happened to his brother all the years he had been missing. Upon first being reunited with his brother, Leo had restrained himself from asking questions of his whereabouts; he hoped that Raphael would open up to him and the others in time.

* * *

The smell of fresh paint still lingered in the room so Raph propped open his window and placed a fan in the middle of the, allowing it to air out. To ease the nausea that the paint fumes were giving him, Raph went downstairs to the basement where he found his brothers, who seemed to be in the middle of some decision making process.  
"You picked last time, Mikey," Donnie said, "It's my turn."  
Mikey frowned. "But you always pick the really boring movies. I want to watch something that will make me not fall asleep."

"Let's let Raph choose," Leo stated, alerting the others to his presence. Donnie and Mikey turned to Raph, both of them looking resentful that they had briefly forgotten he was in the house. There was an entire wall full of DVDs; for a moment he stood there in awe. He had never seen so many DVDs; not even the foster home had this many, and they had had a lot. Raph approached the shelves of DVDs and scanned the shelves, taking notice that they were alphabetized; probably Leo's doing. He paused over a movie labeled Taken. He pulled it out and glanced at the cover; Raph had seen this back at the foster home when one of the older boys had rented it. He had been twelve at the time but no one told him he couldn't watch, so he did.

* * *

_He had no idea where he was going. He had made a number of twists and turns but he hadn't had any destination in mind; he just needed to get away. Far away.  
Focusing on the slap of his bare feet on concrete and the steady panting of his breath, Raph pushed himself harder, forcing his fatigued body to move faster. He came to a sudden halt as he turned the corner, panting heavily. Putting his back against the wall, Raph peered around the corner, looking to see if he was being followed._

_There was not a soul in sight._  
_Sighing heavily, Raph slid down the wall to the ground and pulled his knees up to his chest. His mind buzzed with a thousand thoughts, all of them struggling to be heard at the same time. What was he going to do? Where was he going to go?_

_He placed his hands on top of his knees and saw the uncontrollable tremble in them. His hands were red. The switchblade clutched in his hand was red to the hilt, still dripping fresh blood. When did that happen? Wiping the blood off on his pant leg, Raph readjusted his grip on the knife and moved his hand so the blade was out of his sight._

_Angel was dead…because of him. She had died saving him; was he really worth it, though? Raph shook his head, forcing himself to clear those awful thoughts from his head. What he had to do right now was to get away from the warehouse district. Pushing himself back onto his feet, Raph urged his tired body forward, picking up into an unsteady jog._  
_He still had no idea where he was going; he was lost and utterly...alone._

* * *

A man looking for his daughter after being sold into the sex trafficking industry; Raph couldn't help but admire the man that would go to the ends of the earth to save the one he loved. When he was still held hostage, he had often hoped his family was searching for him and that they continued to search through the years as he got older. But that hope had faded with each passing year…  
"Raph? You okay?" Startled by the intrusion of his thoughts, Raph turned to stare at his brothers, who looked at him with slight concern.  
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"  
"You were totally lost in space, dude," Mikey exclaimed. "We've been trying to get your attention for like the past five minutes."  
"Sorry," he muttered, "Just got caught up in the past, that's all."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, there is chapter four. I hope you all enjoyed. I promise that these flashbacks, while not all of them will be in order, will make sense near the end. While things may seem rather light-hearted now, they will get darker, and Leo and Raph will butt heads on several occasions. **

**And if you are wondering what their ages are in this story, Leo is 20, Donnie is 18, Raph is 16 and Mikey is 15.**

~dendragon14


	5. Chapter Five: Back to Class

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to produces. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

**A/N: Please be gentle on me. This is my first TMNT fan fiction, so please be nice.  
**

* * *

"_The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared." ~_Lois Lowry_, The Giver  
_

* * *

Chapter Five: Back to Class

Mikey hated Mondays; he was sure everyone hated Mondays. Except Donnie; Donnie enjoyed learning and he loved school, so Monday through Friday was heaven on earth for him. Whereas, Mikey barely managed to make it through the week; he was pretty sure he'd die if it weren't for gym, lunch, and art class. And now Raph was joining, so Mikey hoped that they might share some classes together; it would give a chance to try and get his brother to open up more.  
Rolling out of bed, Mikey stumbled his way to the door, nearly tripping over his skateboard and almost slipping on his scattered collection of comic books. Eyes still half closed, he made his way down the hall to the bathroom; with any luck Mikey had gotten up early enough to beat his brothers for the bathroom lineup.

The door to the bathroom was slightly open, steam drifting through the crack in the door. Mikey knocked and pushed the door open wider when no one replied. Raph was standing in front of the mirror, his hair dripping wet and a towel wrapped around his waist. He was absently clutching at the pendant he wore around his neck, a faraway look in his eyes. Mikey wasn't quite sure what his eyes were focusing on, but it was clear enough that he was lost in his head again.  
Mikey cleared his throat, startling Raph back into the present.

"Don't you knock," he demanded.  
"Good morning to you too, Mikey replied, sarcasm dripping off his words, "And I did knock and you just didn't hear me; you were staring off into la-la land again."

He pushed past Mikey and out into the hall to head back to his room.  
To himself, Mikey muttered, "Geez, he's a real morning person."

* * *

Of all the days, Monday was his least favorite; he hated how abruptly the weekend ended and how long the school week was. He hated school in general, for numerous reasons; the only classes that he actually enjoyed were wood shop and art class; Raph never really thought of himself as the book smart type.  
Truth be told, he was embarrassed to start at the same school that Donnie and Mike went to. He didn't want them to know about his "special condition" that had kept him out of the mainstream for as long as he'd been in school. It wasn't a learning disability or anything like that, but it might as well have been; it was impairment nonetheless.

Donnie was the one that drove the three of them to the school in the pickup truck while Leo headed down to the nearest subway entrance to get to the law firm that he worked at. Raph dreaded the approaching school day; he wasn't ever very fond of school.  
The only class that he had that was at high school level was English, everything else-History, Math, Science, Geography- that all sat around a grade six level. So instead of being in the "normal" classes, Raph was assigned to room 121, or the Special Ed. room. He only stayed in the room as long as necessary; long enough to grab his books and work for the week. The teacher, Ms. Summers, seemed to understand Raph's situation and made no protest towards taking his studies elsewhere.

For most of the morning he had done a pretty decent job of avoiding conversation with others; he didn't exactly want to be harassed with the same questions a gazillion times over, but during first break, a boy that appeared to be a grade higher than him appeared next to his locker, looking intent on making conversation with him.  
"Hey, you must be the new kid," the boy said. "The fourth Hamato brother or whatever, right?" Raph gave a rough nod and turned back to his locker. He'd seen this type of kid before at his previous school- kind of scrawny with a big mouth; all bark and no bite. He wasn't particularly fond of that type of kid. Raph ignored him and continued to rifle through his locker for the textbooks he needed. But this kid seemed pretty determined on getting his attention. As he pulled out the last textbook, the kid snatched out of his hand and took a step back, playing keep-away long enough to take a look at the title.

"What are you doing in high school," he asked, gesturing to the book that he had grabbed from Raph, "You're doing grade school shit here. Are you retarded or something?"  
He'd heard it all before, and Vern had told him multiple times to just ignore it and not care what others thought about him. But he did care, maybe too much. Raph knew that everyone just wanted to be accepted, and he had tried awfully hard over the years to blend in and make friends but everyone seemed against him.  
"Hey, I'm talking to you," the boy snapped, slamming Raph's locker door closed. "Are you deaf as well as stupid, huh, simpleton?"  
Raph smirked. "Simpleton," he repeated monotonously, "I haven't heard that one before." Although there was a fire beginning to burn deep within him, that hungered to engulf him in anger, Raph fought against it. He turned away from the boy

"Why don't you leave me alone," Raph asked, his voice low. "I don't think you'll like me when I'm mad." He turned to put his books into his bag, but before he could even open up his bag, the boy next to him gave them a solid push, sending them tumbling to the floor. The books skidded across the floor in all direction; that was the last straw. Didn't this guy have anything better to do than pick on the new kid?  
"Look pal," Raph snarled, turning on the boy so he was inches from his face, "You're really starting to piss me off, so why don't you go stick your nose in someone else's business?"

"Oh, am I making you late," he asked mockingly, "You know, if you don't show up I'm sure the teacher will come looking; it is a Special Ed. class after all. I'm sure some of the students must get lost from time to time." His free hand curled into a fist as he struggled to control his temper. Although he really wanted to, Raph would not get into a fight on his first day here; he had made a promise to himself about that last night and he did not want to break it. "Back off Dalton," he heard someone say, turning to see Donnie heading their way.

* * *

Before he had left for work, Leo had asked Donnie to keep an eye on Raph and to look out for him. Although Donnie thought that Mikey might make a better person to ask, he had agreed to look out for his younger brother.  
It was during the first five minute break between classes that Donnie noticed Dalton, the school bully, talking to Raph. He watched the conversation over his shoulder, and deciding that it wasn't escalating in intensity, he turned away to put his books in his locker. When he heard the slam of a locker door, Donnie glanced over his shoulder and saw that Dalton was getting into Raph's personal space. He wished he knew what Dalton was saying, but over the noise of the surrounding student body it was practically impossible.

Upon first seeing Raph after an eleven year gap, Donnie had assumed his brother to be the kind of person who got into fights on a regular occasion, but he could see plainly that Raph was trying to be the better man and walk away. This only resulted in Dalton pushing all of Raph's textbooks out of his hands, sending them skidding across the floor. Thinking that it was best he intervene before things got too out of control, Donnie closed his locker and crossed the hall.  
"Back off Dalton," he said firmly, glaring daggers at the boy. The smirk on Dalton's face slowly disappeared as he looked over at Donnie. Dalton muttered some foul comment before turning away and heading off down the hall, his shoulders hunched. Donnie was his only hope at passing grade eleven math; at least the boy was smart enough to see that pissing off his tutor wouldn't do him any good.

Now with Dalton gone, both Donnie and Raph knelt to collect the fallen textbooks. Raph had managed to snatch most of them up but Donnie grabbed the two that were closest to him. Donnie paused as he picked up the two remaining textbooks, taking a moment to glance at the titles. Donnie felt his face furrow in confusion as he reread the title; he remembered having these textbooks back when he was in grade six. Why would Raph have them?

The books were suddenly snatched from his hands. Donnie glanced up, meeting Raph's angry glare. Before Donnie could even say anything, his brother took off down the hall, pushing through the crowd of students like a salmon trying to swim upstream.  
"Raph, wait." Donnie got to his feet and hoisted his bag onto one shoulder before taking off down the hall, pushing his way past students, trying to catch up to his brother's retreating back. As he turned onto a less crowded hallway, Donnie ran half way down the hall, calling out for his brother to stop. Raph stopped so abruptly that Donnie almost ran into him.

"What? What the hell do you want, Don," Raph growled, turning to face his older brother.  
"You don't have to answer, but, um…why…why do-" Flabbergasted, Donnie gestured to the books in Raph's hands.  
"Geez, for a smart guy you can be pretty dumb," Raph muttered. "I figured with that big brain of yours you would have put two and two together." When Donnie didn't answer Raph sighed heavily, annoyed.  
"I was taken when I was five, Don. Five is usually when you start school, right?" He waited for Donnie's affirmation before continuing. "Well, I didn't start at five; I started school when I was twelve."  
The silence that followed was so thick that he could have cut it with a knife. Donnie replayed his brother's words in his head, making sure that he had heard Raph correctly.

"Oh," was all he managed to say. He saw Raph's shoulders relax slightly, seeing that Donnie wasn't going to question him any further.  
"You should get back to class, Donnie," Raph said.  
"What about you?" The way he had voiced the question sounded hesitant, as though Donnie didn't want an answer.  
"I've got other places to be," Raph muttered. Without another word, he turned away from Donnie and took off down the hall at a brisk pace.  
Vaguely, Donnie heard the bell signalling the beginning of a new class, but Donnie stood frozen to the spot. His mind raced as he pondered over his brother's words; it had sort of come as a shock. Raph hadn't started school until he was a pre-teen; Donnie was pretty sure that Raph had been kidnapped, but now he wondered what exactly his kidnappers had been doing with him over a seven year period. Whatever had happened, Donnie knew that it couldn't have been good.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so that is chapter five. Hope you enjoyed. I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed, favourite-d and followed and how nice you have all been; it gives me the inspiration to keep writing.**

**I want to give a shout out to TJHECTOR: I've read your story **_**Stranger Whistles**_** and I absolutely love it and hope you update soon.  
**  
**If this whole "started school at twelve" thing confused you, or isn't quite clear, I will try and make it clear through Raphael's flashbacks and memories; you will come to find out that he had a very traumatic childhood if you haven't already guessed. And I have been trying to give subtle hints throughout the previous chapters as to where he was and who was keeping him hostage.**

**And also, I do plan on introducing Karai, Casey and April into this eventually.**

~dendragon14


	6. Chapter Six: Don't Let the Spark Die

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to producers. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

"_Some lessons are best learned through pain. Sometimes, our visions clear only after our eyes are washed with tears. Sometimes, we have to be broken so we can be whole again. Remember: if God made the day perfect, He wouldn't have invented tomorrow." ~unknown  
_

* * *

Chapter Six: Don't Let the Spark Die

_Raph shivered under Angel's gentle touch, still shaken about the event that had just taken place. What in God's name had happened? What had that man done to him? Why did it hurt so much? Fresh tears replaced the ones he had spilt when the man had been violating him. _  
_Angel had been there throughout the entire ordeal, but she had been unable to come to his aid since she herself was under the rule of another man. But once both of the bad men had left, she had crawled over to where he lay on the bed, naked and curled into a ball, and pulled him into her lap. At some point, Angel had helped Raph back into his clothes and the two had resumed their cuddling. The warmth of her body next to his felt comforting unlike the man that had previously forced himself upon Raph._

_They sat huddled together on the bed, their backs pressed against the wall, in comfortable silence. He could sit like this forever. With Angel, he felt safe; it was as though she was his home away from home._

_"Raphael," Angel whispered, drawing him away from his thoughts. "Don't let them break you."  
"What does that mean," he whimpered, glancing up at her._

_"It means, that no matter what they do to you, do not give up hope that you will one day be free, and do not let them think that you are theirs as long as you live. Let your spirit burn brightly and do not let the spark die." She smiled slightly and ran a hand through his hair._  
_"Did you let them break you," he asked gingerly._

_"I'm afraid so," she whispered. She brushed her long, dark hair from her eyes. "And it has ruined me. I don't want the same for you." Raph stared at her and could see silent tears crawling down her face. Angel cried a lot, but she seemed to handle the "customers" well enough when they did whatever they wanted to her. She was strong, but even though Raph hadn't been in this place more than a month, he could see that she was fading. She was fighting a battle that she was destined to lose; their captors had made sure of that. He was young and he knew he had a bright spirit, as his father had told him once before. Angel was there for him, so he should be there for her._  
_"I'll be strong," he said, "For both of us."_

* * *

Raph was still upset about what had happened earlier. He hadn't meant to yell at Donnie but he hadn't meant to give away all that information like he had. It wasn't something his brother needed to hear, but Raph felt lighter, like he had had a weight lifted off his chest. As Vern had told him before, talking about painful stuff to someone else was the best sort of relief; Raph was only just realizing that now. He would have to reconsider how much he kept private and how much he chose to share with his family, but yet, he didn't want to burden them with his personal life.

He spent the rest of the morning holed up in the library, reading and doing work sheets but had ultimately fallen asleep due to his constant waking during the night before. The lunch bell roused him from his sleep and Raph closed all his books and shoved them into his bag before heading down to the cafeteria.  
None of the food looked particularly appetizing to him, so Raph decided he would go without. He spotted Mikey and Donnie in the sea of students and headed over to their table. At the table there was a perky looking red head seated at the table, lost in conversation with Donnie, and across from her was a dark haired boy who was busy pushing around his food.

"Hey, bro," Mikey exclaimed, sliding over to make room for him. "Haven't seen you all morning; I'd thought we share at least one class together." Raph felt eyes on him and glanced up to see Donnie eyeing him carefully. Raph nodded towards Don, a silent thank you for not blabbering about what happened in the hall to Mikey.  
"So this is the famous Raphael that we've been hearing about all morning," the boy asked, pushing away his tray of food. "It's good to see that Mikey wasn't actually making you up."

"Geez, Casey, why do you have to be so insensitive sometimes," the red head snapped. She turned to Raph and smiled brightly. "I'm April. It's really great to meet you, Raphael."  
"Casey," the boy said nonchalantly. "Nice to meet you, I guess."

* * *

Raph had gym class immediately after lunch and he was glad that he had decided not to eat because the gym teacher, Mr. Gerhard, made them run a gazillion laps before forcing them all into a game of basketball.  
Raph had Casey for company, who he thought was rather humorous once you looked past the arrogant outer layer. Casey sort of reminded Raph of himself, and he hoped that he could find a friend in him; he hadn't really ever had any before, at least, none that were male.

He's always found it easier to be friends with girls; all the girls he knew seemed to think that he was a really great listener. He was, and maybe it was because he had spent seven years by Angel's side, but he could sympathize with girls more so then he could with guys.

At the end of class, everyone herded themselves into the locker rooms, where most of the boys headed towards the at the foster home, Raph had been self-conscious of being naked in front of other boys. It wasn't because of genitalia size or anything like that; he just didn't like people seeing his scars; people always asked where he had acquired them. He never answered and the other boys in the foster home seemed to have gotten the message that it was deeply personal; only foster kids could understand something so deeply scarring; something awful had probably happened to a lot of them.

Now, Raph felt the self-consciousness return as he walked through the locker room. The majority of boys had stripped down and had grabbed a towel, heading towards the showers. Reluctantly, Raph shirked off his shirt. He paused before sliding off his shoes, pants and underwear. He grabbed a towel and shoved his clothes into a locker and headed down to the showers.

The shower room was clouded with steam. Someone had perched a radio on one of the half walls and it was blaring some classic rock song. The voices of some of the boys echoed off the walls as they carried on a conversation while they showered.  
Grabbing the nearest available stall, Raph found himself standing next to Casey. They stood next to each other in silence, letting the water wash over them. From out of his peripheral vision, Raph could see Casey give him side glances.

"What are you gawking at," he demanded, glaring harshly at Casey. He felt a spark of anger ignite within in him, preparing himself for any hassle that Casey might give him.  
"Nothing," Casey muttered, "Just thought that those scars make you look kind of tough." Raph turned away, slightly confused. He had had people make comments on his scars before, but no one had ever mentioned that they made him look tough; that was the closest thing he had to a compliment in a long while. He smiled to himself, feeling proud of the scarred flesh on his body for the first time ever.

* * *

_"Stop crying, you little bitch," the man growled. He drew back the whip and lashed out, striking Raph across his bare back. A stinging, heated pain radiated from the cut outwards, making him arch his back in pain. Raph could feel tears trailing down his cheeks and sweat lingering on his brow as his arms shook with fatigue. He didn't know how long the man had been at this, but Raphael could clearly see that this man was enjoying his pain and didn't intend to stop anytime soon._

_He thought about what Angel had told him earlier; that he should not let himself be broken by these men. He remembered what she had said, that she was broken, and Raph understood that she didn't want him to hit rock bottom like she had._

_Wrapping his hands around the chains that bound him and gripped them firmly, bracing himself for the next lash. Raph pursed his lips and bit down on his tongue as the whip came down again, harder than before. He would not let them break him. He would be strong, for himself and for Angel. Hell would have to freeze over before he bowed down to the likes of these men._

* * *

**A/N: Okay, there is chapter six. Hope you all enjoyed. Let me know what you think; it is greatly appreciated. I will let you know now that there is going to be a Leo-Raph brotherly moment coming up as well as a Mikey-Raph brotherly moment and that Karai will probably be introduced soon. **

~dendragon14


	7. Chapter Seven: Picture Time

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to producers. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.  
**

* * *

"_When I look at my old pictures, all I can see is what I used to be but am no longer. I think: What I can see is what I am not." ~_Aleksandar Hemon, _The Lazarus Project  
_

* * *

Chapter Seven: Picture Time

It was around six when Leo got home from work. He was hoping that he could get in a warm meal and then sit down and relax in his bedroom, but before he could even take off his shoes, Donnie stood in front of him, seeming more anxious than usual.

"How'd things go today," Leo asked quietly. That morning he had requested that Donnie keep an eye on Raphael since he himself couldn't. If he'd still been in high school, Leo would have made sure that Raph had shared every class with him. Donnie remained silent but gestured for Leo to follow him upstairs. Confused, Leo hastily hung up his jacket and followed Donnie into his bedroom. Leo shut the door to Donnie's room.

"Okay, what's with all the secrecy, Don," he asked.  
"Just sit down and listen. Don't interrupt." Silently, Leo zipped his lips and took a seat on Donnie's bed. Without interruption, as promised, Leo listened to Donnie retell the details of the school day.  
Leo felt his eyebrows raise when Donnie mentioned that Raph had told him that he had only begun school when he was twelve. He fought against the urge to interrupt and continued to quietly listen until Donnie finally stopped talking.

"He told you he started school when he was twelve," he asked. Donnie swiveled around in his desk chair and nodded.  
"Don't let him know I told you; he seemed mad when I found out," Donnie said, "And don't tell Mikey. He would probably make fun of Raph." Absently, Leo nodded as he processed Donatello's words in his head. Leo's mind turned with questions. He was trying to put together the pieces of information he had on the eleven year gap of Raph's disappearance, which wasn't much. Raph was sixteen when they were reunited, and Donnie had found out that he was twelve when he started school. Leo wondered what had happened to Raph in that seven year gap. Maybe their father knew something that Leo didn't; he'd have to find out.

* * *

As Leo left Donnie's room to head back downstairs to the kitchen in hopes of something to eat, he noticed the door to Raph's room open, the light drifting out into the hallway. Leo's thoughts drifted suddenly back to Raphael's arrival back home; he still needed a picture of his brother. Now was as good time as any.

Standing in the doorway, Leo knocked on the doorframe, loud enough so that Raphael could hear him over the headphones he was slid the headphones off so they hung around his neck. He smiled slightly, and gestured for Leo to come further inside.  
"Did you need something," he asked. For a moment, Leo stood, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled for a way to phrase his request.

"I was wondering if I could maybe get a picture of you," Leo said. He saw Raph squint, a look of apprehension and suspicion quickly crossing his face.  
"Why," he demanded, his eyes growing dark, "What do you need a picture of me for?"

"Uh, it's for a mural- a timeline, actually," Leo explained. He turned to leave. "Let me show you." He waited for Raph to follow before heading to his room. Leo pointed to the large bulletin board that hung over his desk.  
"I started it when I was about six; I thought it seemed better than a scrapbook."  
Raph gazed at the mural of photos, his eyes drifting over each one. A small smile appeared on his face, but the dark look in his eyes remained.

"So you just want my picture for this mural thingy," he asked. Leo nodded.  
"It's okay if you don't want to, I understand-"  
Raph shook his head. "It's okay, I'll do it." He stretched his hand out, gesturing to the camera that Leo held limply in hand. Leo handed it to him. He put an arm around Leo's shoulders and held the camera at arm length with the other.

"Smile," Raph said. The camera made a whining noise and a bright flash as it took the picture; the camera was one of those old Polaroid cameras that printed the picture out after; it had been their father's before he had handed it down to Leonardo. Raph handed the camera back to Leo and grabbed the small photo it spit out. He waved it in the air a few seconds so that the picture would appear and glanced at it.  
"What do you think," he asked, showing it to Leo. Leo glanced at it. The first thing he noticed was that they both had the same smile, although it looked like more of a smirk. Leo smiled and took the photo so he could add it to the bulletin board.

"Thanks Raph," Leo said, "It means a lot."  
"No problem." His brother turned to leave but paused at the door before turning around to face Leo again.  
"You blame yourself, don't you," he asked quietly. "About what happened to me?" Leo remained silent for a moment, wondering what had steered Raphael to ask that question.  
"I did," Leo admitted, his throat suddenly feeling dry, "I still do. If I'd told you to come inside with me and the others, you would never been have separated from us. It's my fault you disappeared-"

"Don't do that," Raph ordered, his voice growing dark. "Don't blame yourself for what happened to me. I don't. You shouldn't." Without another word, he left, leaving Leo alone. Leo pondered his brother's words as he pinned the picture up onto the bulletin board. Stepping back to admire the position he had placed it in, Leo smiled. Even though he could still see the dark, haunted look in Raph's eyes, it was a nice picture; his brother had a very nice smile.

Placing his camera back in its rightful spot on his book shelf, Leo sat himself at his bed and leaned back into his pillows. He still couldn't shake his thoughts about Raphael's past during the seven year gap; he really wanted to find out what happened to his little brother all these years. He thought that perhaps by knowing what Raphael had went through would help Leo be a better brother in the future; he would know what to protect Raph from.  
Raph's words still rang in his ears, and he couldn't help but smile. It made Leo feel like an elephant sized weight had been lifted off his chest. Knowing that Raphael didn't blame him for what had happened made him feel more than relieved, it made him feel happy.

* * *

He hated taking photos. He'd never considered himself to be a very photogenic person, but it was probably just the camera associated fear had that Raph had that made him hate getting his picture taken. Before he had disappeared from home, he'd been indifferent about getting his picture taken, but as he got older, he loathed getting his picture taken by anyone.

He was the only one who knew the reason for this.  
Raph had tried over the years to suppress painful memories of his past, and had tried to overcome the problems that his past presented him with. Taking pictures was one of the more minor issues that he could overcome.  
There were other issues that cut much deeper than his hate for having his photo taking. Those issues weren't likely so easy to resolve. Those issues were the ones that haunted him at night and every waking hour.

_ "There, that's perfect, stay just like that," Hun whispered, as he moved around the bed, trying to get the right angle for the pictures. Ever since day one in this hell, Hun had been the ringleader of this mad house, and he had absolute control over all the "merchandise"; he could do whatever he liked to with Raphael. He hated being someone's plaything, and he hated how he was being objectified to Hun and random strangers who were willing to pay for sexual pleasure._

_Angel had told him that being objectified weakened the self-worth and self-esteem of the individual. She had told him that he should never forget about how his family loved him and appreciated him. It may emotionally hurt to think of his family, but she had told him that it lessened the blow of being called a cruel, endless string of words that were thrown at him every day._

_It was a lot for an eleven year old to understand, but Raph clung to every word. Angel, true to her name, was his guardian angel. She was a good friend even though there was still a good age gap between them. But lately, he could see that the burning anger and resentment she held towards their captors had grown greatly, and Raph really hoped that she wasn't planning anything._

_"Now, time for costumes," Hun purred, his voice husky, pulling Raph out of his thoughts. Hun headed over towards the large wardrobe that occupied a corner of the room and began to dig through, looking for the right costume._

_The wardrobe that stood in the corner of the room was filled with various sex toys, costumes and other kinky things that Raph didn't know the names of. The very sight of the wardrobe disgusted him.  
Hun looked through each of the costumes before pulling out a skimpy looking school girl's uniform._

_"Put that on," he demanded, tossing it towards Raph. Raph stared at the strange costume, confused. It was a school girl's uniform made to be extremely short and revealing._  
_"This is for girls," he said. Hun smiled, his eyes glinting cruelly._  
_"That's the point," he chuckled. "Now put it on." Reluctantly, Raph stripped and pulled on the school girl's uniform. It was more than uncomfortable. It consisted of a crop top that left his midriff exposed and a short skirt that came up to near the top of his thighs. Underneath, he wore a pair of crotchless underpants, leaving him exposed. It was humiliating, but he did what he was told. He would have fewer bruises that way._  
_"Now, get on your belly, slut," Hun demanded, camera back in hand._

"Get that out of your head," Raph growled to himself. He paced the floor of his bedroom, continuing to mutter to himself. "That's the past. It doesn't matter what happened back then, it matters what happens now." He sighed heavily and sat on his bed. "Those bastards won't get you again."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for such a long wait; this is a belated Christmas gift to you all. Hope you enjoyed! I will let you know now that there will be a chapter where the four of them are at the dojo, where more of Raph's flashbacks will take place. And this was my attempt at a brotherly moment between Raph and Leo, so I hope I did alright; not used to writing brotherly connections between characters. Feedback is always a pleasure to read and a big thank you to those who have favorited or are following this story; it gives me the inspiration to keep writing this.**

~dendragon14


	8. Chapter Eight: Shoved Into the Past

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to producers. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.  
**

* * *

_"When you are going through hell, keep going. Never, never, never give up." ~_Winston Churchill

* * *

Chapter Eight: Shoved Into the Past

That Sunday, Leo insisted that they head down to the dojo for some sparring practice. Raph had protested, but with a vote of three to one, he found himself being shoved into the cab of the truck with his brothers.  
The dojo was almost an hour away from the house and upon arriving Raph first thought that they were at some bookstore. The building was wedged between two other businesses, which gave a claustrophobic feeling. The front of the building was made up of mostly large floor to ceiling windows that looked in on the practice room. Above the windows was a perfectly hung, perfectly pristine sign that read: **HAMATO Martial Arts Studio**.

Compared to the outside of the building, the inside itself seemed much more spacious. Flourescent lights beat down on a laminated floor hallway that turned off into a large practice area and a small office that lay at the end of the hall. The hall itself was covered in photos; class photos,tournament photos, photos of trophies. Raph thought it all seemed rather typical, but what did he know; he hadn't ever taken up martial arts; he was more of a street fighter.

Upon entering the practice room, his brothers had disappeared into a small, attached changing room and came back out wearing loose fitting clothing. They asked if Raph wanted to join in on their spar sessions, but Raph offered to sit it out and watch. He really didn't feel like fighting today.

He propped himself up against one of the walls and watched the three of them spar; to say the least, Raph was impressed at the amount of skill they displayed. After about an hour and half or so, the three of the took a water break to catch their breath. Always the energetic one, Mikey had come running up to him, begging him to spar. Raph shook his head and urged his brother to go back over with Donnie and Leo. He was perfectly happy watching from the sidelines. But Mikey was persistent.

"C'mon on man," Mikey whined, "Just one spar; you look like the fighting type." Reluctantly, he pulled himself away from the wall where he had been standing and slipped off his shoes before stepping onto the mats.

Raph fought with a half-hearted effort before allowing Mikey to flip him onto his back on the mats. Normally, when he had gotten into fights back at the foster home, he made sure that he won, but sometimes, he didn't know when to stop. It was as though the rational, logical part of him was taken away when he got into a brawl; he didn't want that to happen with his brothers.

Raph got up to clear the mats, passing by Donnie to head into the hallway.  
"That wasn't even a fight," he heard Mikey groan, clearly displeased. The words rang in his ears, sending a shiver down his spine and making goosebumps appearing on his skin. Frozen to the spot, one step from being out into the hall, Raph found himself unable to stop the memory that he was being shoved back into.

* * *

_The slap of his feet on the pavement echoed, piercing the quietness of the surrounding buildings. Not far behind him, he could hear two separate sets of boots pounding against the concrete. The panic in his chest bloomed as he glanced over his shoulder and saw two of Hun's henchmen swiftly approaching. Raph pushed himself, forcing himself to go faster, anything to outrun his captors. His lungs burned as though someone had lit a fire in them. Behind him, he could hear the sound of footsteps getting closer. Risking one more look over his shoulder, Raph saw that they were almost within arm's reach._

_Raph tried to force himself to go faster, suddenly wishing he had the ability to fly. __He felt a hand grasp and twist suddenly into the fabric of his shirt, pulling him back and to the ground. Remembering the knife that Angel had given him, Raph flicked the blade out and gripped the hilt more tightly, ready to use it. He slashed at his closest attacker, only succeeding in cutting air and throwing himself off balance._

_He turned and dodged one man as he came running towards Raph. With the knife still in hand, he lunged at the other man, aiming for his stomach with the blade. The man lashed out and Raph__ saw stars as the man's fist made contact with the side of his head which sent him sprawling to the ground. The knife clattered to the ground and skittered away from, out of reach. Raph rose onto his hands and knees and reached for the blade; it was his only means of defense; his captors had both a height and weight advantage against him besides the fact that there was two of them._

_A kick to his gut made Raph gasp for breath. Another kick to his ribs dropped him back onto his stomach, struggling for breath._

_One of the men grabbed Raph by the wrists and twisted his arms behind his back.  
"That wasn't even a fight," the man chuckled darkly as he picked Raph up around the waist and turned to head back to the warehouse. Raph wriggled in the man's arms.  
The man groaned as he readjusted his grip on Raph so that Raph was slung over his back. Panic was beginning to cloud his mind as each step brought him closer back to the prison he had spent seven years in. He racked his brains, thinking of anything that could possibly save him._

_The only view he had was of the ground and the back of his captor; he couldn't even look over his shoulder because the man's head was in his way. He didn't see himself getting free, unless he wanted to plunge head first to the concrete. The man had a tight hold on him and although Raph had tried pounding his fists against the man's back, he didn't seem the slightest bit bothered. Tears were beginning to blur his vision and just when he was ready to give up on ever getting free, he glanced at the back of the man's head, a light bulb suddenly going off in his head,  
__His neck was exposed. Taking the only chance that might be able to save him, __R__aph bit down into the tender flesh at the back of his captor's neck and smiled to himself as the man cried out in pain, dropping him to the cold concrete.  
_

* * *

Sound and sight came rushing back to him. For a moment the world spun as Raph got his bearings. What the fuck had just happened? As he eyes and ears adjusted, he was aware of Leo and Mikey yelling and he had Donnie straddled and pinned to the ground. Blood was gushing out his nose, and his right eye was beginning to blacken and swell shut.

At some point, Raph had taken out his switchblade and now had it pressed to Donnie's throat. Raph felt his heart plummet down into his stomach. As though he had been shocked, he jumped up and stepped away from his brother, folding the switchblade and placing it back into his back pocket. His eyes darted around the room, focusing on anything other than his brothers' faces. He stared down at his hands, which were clenched into fists to hide the fact that they were trembling.

"What the hell, Raph," Leo yelled, glaring up at him angrily as he helped Donnie to his feet. "What the hell was that for?" Raph gaped at his three brothers, obviously struggling for words.  
Pushing past Raph, Leo assisted Donnie to their father's office, where there was a small cooler. After grabbing a hand towel, Leo grabbed some ice cubes and wrapped them up and pressed it to Donnie's swollen eye.  
"Keep that on there for a while," he ordered, grabbing Donnie's hand and placing it to the makeshift compress and removing his own hand. "I have to have a word with Raph." Leo turned to leave, but before he could even take one step, he felt Donnie pulling him back.

"Leo, it's not his fault," Donnie said. Leo couldn't help but smirk and laugh.  
"Have you seen your face," he exclaimed. "He had a knife to your throat Donnie; he could have killed you! How can you say that it's not his fault?"  
"But he didn't kill me and it's not his fault." Donnie wiped at a slow steady trickle of blood that was coming from his mouth. "He didn't have any intention to hurt me. You should have seen his face; it's like he wasn't even there."

Leo's brow furrowed, his serious expression growing slightly confused. "What do you mean?"  
"I'm no psychiatrist, but I think Raph might have PTSD."  
"Why would you think that?" Leo demanded. Donnie opened his mouth and closed it as he struggled for words. He sighed heavily.  
"You didn't see his eyes, Leo. It's like he wasn't even seeing what was going on," Donnie exclaimed, "It looked like he was stuck in a memory or something, like he was experiencing something entirely different."

* * *

Raph had retreated to the rooftop of the building. He needed air, he needed space. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest like a humming bird and he could hear the rush of blood in his ears. What the holy hell had happened back in there? What had he done?  
Raph stared at his hands, clenching them into fists. How could have done that to his own brother? What the fuck was wrong with him? He groaned in frustration, fighting the urge to slap himself.

He heard the door creak open and glanced up to see Mikey making his way over to him.  
"You okay, bro," he asked, his voice sincere. Raph exhaled heavily and leaned back against the wall so he could stare at Mikey.  
"Define "okay"," Raph muttered.

"What happened," Mikey asked suddenly, "Why'd you freak out like that on Donnie?" Raph shook his head, at loss for words.  
After a moment of silence, he sighed, "I honestly don't know Mikey. One minute everything was fine and the next minute…it was like…it was like I was back in the past. I didn't mean to hurt Donnie…"  
"I know that, so does Donnie," Mikey stated. "I overheard him and Leo talking. Donnie said how you might have PTSD or something."  
"He wouldn't be wrong," Raph muttered.

The door to the roof suddenly swung open and Leo came stomping up the stairs. Spotting Raph and Mikey, he marched over to them, his expression dark and angry.  
"Go back downstairs Mikey," Leo ordered, "I need to talk to Raphael alone." Mikey slowly got to his feet and left the two alone, closing the door behind him. Once gone, Raph got to his feet, preparing for his elder brother's harassment.  
"What happened back there," Leo demanded, his voice a low growl. Raph struggled for words. From what he remembered about Leo, he wouldn't be satisfied with _I don't know._

"It won't happen again," he muttered.  
"Damn right it won't," Leo growled. He took a step forward so that they stood nose to nose. "Give me the knife."  
"No," Raph snapped, "It's mine.  
"I don't trust you with it," Leo stated, his voice firm. "Give it to me."

"It won't happen again," Raph stated, more firmly this time; he didn't want to part with his knife, even though it was not originally his. It was a source of protection and he wanted it close at hand. He could sense the tension building between the two of them, and right now he wanted to avoid anymore unnecessary confrontation. Leo seemed to sense the building tension as well for he gave a firm nod and backed away, allowing Raphael to pass by him. Not long after, Leo announced that they were leaving and jumped into the truck, waiting impatiently. Once again when they were all wedged into the truck, they drove home in an uncomfortably thick silence that was nearly suffocating.

* * *

Donnie took off his glasses and rubbed his one good eye. It was hard to wear them when one of his eyes was still swollen shut. He glanced at the clock and groaned; it was nearly two-thirty in the morning. Once again, he had lost himself to his projects. He glanced over at his bed, which was still immaculately made. Pulling himself from his desk chair, Donnie flopped down onto the bed. He closed his eyes, not caring that he was still fully clothed; he need and wanted a good night's sleep; he couldn't remember the last time he had gone to bed at a decent hour and hadn't been up at the crack of dawn.

He had only just closed his eyes when he heard his stomach rumbled rather loudly, whining to be fed. Annoyed, Donnie brough himself to his feet and shambled out into the hallway and down the stairs. As he came down the stairs, he could see the blue glow of the television from the living room. He saw that Raph was awake and playing _Bio Shock Infinite _on the PS3, which was on mute. Upon hearing the stairs creak, Raph turned, briefly acknowledged Donnie before turning back to his game.  
"What are you doing up so late?"Donnie asked as he reached the base of the staircase. Raph shrugged, placing the game controller on the coffee table as he put the game on pause.  
"Couldn't sleep," he muttered, "What are you doing up?"  
"I was working on a project of mine and I lost track of time. I was just going to get something to eat…You want anything?" Raph shook his head and silently trailed Donnie into the kitchen.

Donnie quietly went about making a sandwich, all the while watching Raph in his peripheral vision. He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, looking awkwardly around the room, anywhere but at Donnie.  
"I'm sorry about today," he muttered suddenly, his eyes directed to floor.  
"Don't worry about it," Donnie replied nonchalantly.

"I could have killed you Donnie! Doesn't that bother you?"  
Donnie sat himself at the kitchen island and glanced up at Raph, who still stood in the doorway to the kitchen.  
"Of course it bothers me," Donnie replied, "but you and I weren't the only ones there. If you hadn't stopped yourself, Mikey or Leo would have. I might have too, if you hadn't had my arms pinned."

"I know, but I still feel guilty about it. Something like that has never happened before."  
"And what exactly did happen, Raph," Donnie asked, pressing for details. His brother ran a hand through his wild hair and wandered over to the kitchen table and dropped down into one of the chairs.

"I have no fucking clue, Don," he said. "Nothing like that has ever happened before. It was just one moment everything was fine and…I don't know…I think it was something that Mikey said…something that he said just pushed me back into the past. I couldn't stop it." Donnie took a bite of his sandwich and turned to face his brother, who had his head in his hands, obviously distressed. From what Raph had just said, Donnie wanted to confirm that his little brother did have PTSD- that's what seemed most likely, but he didn't want to jump to conclusions.

"Maybe we could help you," Donnie suggested. There was a moment of silence as before Raph sat up and shook his head. He got up from the kitchen table, intent on leaving the room.  
"I don't think so," he muttered, "At least, not right now." He turned to leave but stopped in the doorway to the kitchen. He turned back to Donnie, who was still watching him intently.  
"I appreciate the offer though, Don," he muttered, sounding suddenly tired, "I'll take you up on it soon enough."

* * *

_His attackers lay on the ground, a dark pool of blood steadily growing around them. They were dead…and he had killed them; he didn't even remember stabbing them. He remembered biting the one that had been carrying him, but after that, everything was black. He sighed heavily, his breath visible in the cold autumn air.  
It didn't matter now, he told himself. They were dead and they deserved to be dead. They were the ones that had kidnapped him and done unmentionable things to him. They deserved what they got. And Raph hoped they would wake up in hell.  
_

* * *

**A/N: So sorry for such a slow update. I just haven't had the time with school, that, and the fact that I am working on several other stories. Hopefully, I didn't confuse anybody and hopefully I didn't make too many errors; I was sort of rushing through editing because I really wanted to post it. And as always, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.  
P.S.- I have gotten several comments about this being rather dark. I intended for it to be dark, but I prefer to view this story as a dark tunnel with a light at the end. I'm not going to give anything away, but Raph's brothers will know all about his past by the end of this.**


	9. Chapter Nine: Breach of Privacy

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to producers. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

**A/N: I'm really sorry for such a slow update. I am finished for the semester, so I will have more time to update, but I had problems writing this chapter. I wanted to cut it out, but I also wanted to add it in, so I thought I would just keep it and see how it flows.  
I will let you all know now that Yoshi will be in it more towards the end, and that Karai is coming in either the tenth or eleventh chapter. And I am planning on having an upcoming Mikey and Raph moment as well.  
But I was also thinking of adding a Casey and Raph moment; I'd like to know what you think. Don't be afraid to review or comment; all comments are welcomed (as long as they are appropriate) and constructive criticism is appreciated; I love to hear from all of you. **

**Hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

_"A lot of you cared, just not enough" ~Jay Asher, _Thirteen Reasons Why

* * *

Chapter Nine: Breach of Privacy

Leo knew that this was an invasion of his brother's privacy, but like an itch that needed to be scratched, it needed to be done; it was eating him alive not knowing what had happened to Raph. And if Raphael wasn't going to tell him, he'd have to find out for himself. From what had happened yesterday at the dojo and Donnie mentioning the possibility of PTSD, Leo just had to know what had happened to his little brother in that seven year. Leo would bet his life that that seven year gap was where the root of Raphael's problems started.

Raphael, feeling guilty from what had happened on Sunday he supposed, had informed Leo and the others that he would be staying late at school to study. Although he never thought of Raph as the type of person to willingly stay after school had been let out, he trusted that his brother was doing as he had said and would return home before dark, as he had promised. If not, then Leo would hunt his ass down and drag him back home; that was his job as older brother.

With his brother absent, an idea had entered Leo's head and had refused to leave him alone, and now, he found himself lurking around in Raphael's room, after picking the lock, hoping to discover something that would tell him more about his brother.  
Raph's room was relatively neat, which was not what Leo had expected; he hadn't had a chance to be in Raph's room since he asked to take the photo of his brother. At the time, he hadn't really taken in the room, but now he could see that it had a rather homey feel to it. The bed was made, but the wrinkles in the blankets showed that it had been made in a hasty manner. There were no clothes lying on the floor in small piles like in Mikey's room, but there was a small collection of well worn books spread throughout the room, piled on the floor, on the desk, anywhere there was room. He glanced at several of the titles and recognized most of them were classics; Leo smiled, now Donnie had another bookworm in the family to obsess over books with.

He was drawn towards the shelves of CDs, which all seemed to be a collection of mixes that Raph had made himself. He grabbed one at random and flipped one of the CDs over and glanced at the playlist; he was familiar with the majority of the songs. What worried him though was the fact that most of the songs related to suicide, and Leo couldn't help but wonder if Raph had ever considered the thought. He did find two CDs that contained the titles to a variety of song genres and on the front read both read the same title: REVISITING. Leo wasn't sure what was meant by that, but it made his mind spin with questions. He spotted a CD player discarded onto the bedside table. He grabbed it and then popped one of the CDs from its case.

"Leonardo, what are you doing in your brother's room?"  
Leo nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of his father's voice; nearly dropping the CD he had in his hand. He turned on his heel, attempting to not look guilty. His father stared at Leo with wise, dark eyes, which instantly struck guilt into Leo's heart.  
"You understand that this is a violation of Raphael's privacy," his father stated, plain and simple. Leo nodded, his eyes diverted to the floor, feeling suddenly ashamed.  
"I know that this is wrong, but I needed to know…" Leo began. He glanced up at his father and saw the questioning look on his father's face.  
"Needed to know what, my son," he asked, his voice calm, yet still forceful.  
"More about him," Leo replied, "I feel like I barely know him; he's so closed off." Leo heard his father sigh as he averted his gaze down to the floor before glancing back up to Leonardo.  
"What Raphael chooses to tell you is his own decision. And do not pester me for answers, Leonardo; I am at just as clueless as you are, as was Raph's case worker. He didn't know anything about that seven year gap, but whatever happened in that time period must be something that your brother wishes to keep hidden."

"Wouldn't it be better to just let us know, though," Leo asked. His father stared at him, and Leo felt as though his father was looking _into _him as he so often did; he was just very good at reading people.  
"I suppose it would be better, both for Raphael and for the rest of us. But I believe that it is better not to force anything out of him, that would make him all the more reluctant to share. Give him time Leonardo, that is all we can do at the moment."

His father turned to leave, leaving Leo to second guess his actions. He glanced at the CD that he still held in his hand, and then to the CD player. He sighed and placed the CD into the player. His father's words were wise and rational, but Leo just had to know more about his brother. And if forcing information wasn't possible, then he'd have to find it by being a snoop, even if it was disrespectful.

* * *

Yoshi sat at the kitchen table, a book in hand and a cup of tea in front of him. He had been reading the same page for nearly twenty minutes now, his mind clearly knew that he should take some discipline measure to the situation, but he could see in his son's eyes that Raphael felt horrible about what had happened and he thought that seemed like punishment enough. It seemed somewhat sad to admit that Yoshi had expected something like this to happen at some time sooner or later; he had been keeping in touch with Raph's social worker, Vern Fenwick; asking questions about his son.

Vern had told Yoshi what he knew about Raph from the time he had first entered the foster home; all he knew was that for a long while, Raph presented a fear to adult men, but seemed rather comfortable around women. From this information, Yoshi's mind wandered to a very dark place where uncomfortably venomous thoughts waited to harass his mind. The cup of tea he had was not helping his nerves any; neither was the book. He sighed heavily and placed the book down and glanced at the cup of tea, which had long ago become cold.

"What to do," he muttered to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. He wanted to help his son in any matter he could, but Raphael was just so closed off; he wouldn't take too kindly to Yoshi trying to pry answers out of him. Although he would have preferred it that way, Yoshi thought the best idea was just to wait for Raphael to feel comfortable enough to tell him, as he had mentioned to Leonardo, but who knew when exactly that would be.

* * *

Leo positioned himself at his brother's desk and picked up the CD player. For a moment, he fumbled with the buttons, pressing randomly until he began to hear music; it had been ages since he used one of these. He slid the earphones over his ears so that they were comfortable and pressed play on the CD player. The intro to the first song on the first of the two CDs labeled REVISTING began to play. Surprisingly, he heard the lyrics to Britney Spear's _Toxic _of all things. He had barely gotten three lines into the song before he felt the headphones being pulled off and his chair being pulled out from under him.

"Why the hell are you going through my shit," Raph yelled, his face red with anger. He grabbed the player and headphones fromLeo and held them close. "What were you doing with these?" His voice dropped so that it was dark and deep, very demanding. Not wanting to anger his brother any further, Leo forces himself to be calm and not raise his voice.

"I want to know more about you," Leo replied, cool as a cucumber. "I barely know anything about you, Raph. I'm sure Donnie and Mikey want to know more about you too. You're just so closed off-"  
"For good reason," Raph cried out. "I'll open up to you when I fucking feel like it. Now get out and stay the fuck out of my room, Leo." He shoved Leo out into the hall and slammed the door in his face. For a moment, Leo stood in front of the closed door, wondering if he should even attempt to apologize, but he knew that Raph wouldn't hear him. Leo sighed heavily and retreated back to his room. He knew that snooping around wasn't going to do him any good, so he would have to go back to the drawing board and think about the best way to collect information from his brother.

* * *

Mikey sighed and put his headphones back on and returned to reading his comic. Although he should have been doing homework, Mikey needed a break from school to give his brain time to recover before he took a crack at tenth grade math problems. And hearing Raph and Leo scream at each other was cutting into his relaxation time. From what he had heard through the walls, Leo was being a nosy body and going through Raph's stuff; he deserved it if Raph chewed him out; their father had always made sure that they respected each other's privacy.

And yet, although he hadn't gone snooping through Raph's stuff in fear of getting his face punched in, Mikey wondered about Raphael as well; what had happened to him to make him so cold and distant. Mikey kept revisiting the situation that had happened yesterday in the dojo; he was surprised that their father had reacted as calmly to their explanation as he had. But their father had always been a relatively calm person, despite the one time where he freaked out when Raph disappeared; under circumstances like that, it was normal to freak out.

He just wished that Raph could be happy; all Mikey wanted was for his family to be happy. And whatever Raph was refusing to tell him and the others was keeping them from that happiness; it was selfish, but from the little Mikey remembered about Raph when they were young was that Raph was always somewhat a selfish person. And he deserved happiness, but was refusing to give it to himself. Mikey hoped that sooner, rather than later, Raph realized that.


	10. Chapter Ten: The Purple Dragons

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to producers. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.  
**

* * *

Chapter Ten: The Purple Dragons

_"Know thyself, know thy enemy. A thousand battles, a thousand victories." ~ Sun Tzu_

* * *

As the end of another week rolled around, Raph's anger towards Leo had faded, but Donnie noticed that almost no words were exchanged between the two. If anything, Donnie noticed that Leo seemed to have one sided conversations with Raph, who only grunted or groaned in response. It was clear enough to see that violating Raph's privacy was a major wrongdoing in his book and Donnie could see that Leo was suffering because of it.

"It's your own fault, you know," he mentioned to Leo when he saw his older brother lingering outside Raph's shut door that night. Leo had only sighed heavily and nodded.  
"I know," he replied softly, "He has every right to be mad. It's just that knowing almost next to nothing about him bothers me. I need to know about this seven year gap. The social worker doesn't know, we don't know; even father doesn't know. The only person that knows what happened to Raph is Raph."

"Maybe he likes it like that," Donnie suggested, "He doesn't exactly seem like the type of person to accept anyone's sympathy or pity. He's trying to be strong, Leo; and if that means he has to keep seven years worth of painful memories locked away, than that's what he'll do." Leo sighed and turned away from Raphael's bedroom door; he hated it how Donnie made a good point.

* * *

Raph didn't like the fact that Leo had brought home an unexpected house guest; it made it even worse that the unexpected guest was Leo's girlfriend. Raph wasn't very fond of new people, and he definitely didn't like how they intruded the house. Call it territorial, but Raph liked his space, and if people were going to be coming over, he'd have liked to know beforehand.

He could feel the tension in the room rising as he stood on the bottom step of the staircase, glaring at the girl that stood next to Leo. She was shorter than Leo, with a slender frame, black hair and dark eyes. And with her skin color and facial features, she appeared at least partly Asian. She was pretty, he had to admit, and Raph liked her style, but he still didn't like the fact that she was here in the house.  
"Karai, this is Raphael. Raph, this is Karai, my girlfriend. She's going to be staying for dinner."  
Reluctantly, Raph stretched out his hand towards her. "Nice to meet you," he grumbled, averting her gaze to instead stare at her chin.

"Nice to meet you, Raphael," she replied, her voice soft. They took each other's hands briefly before letting go. Karai shrugged off her coat and handed it to Leo, and Raph noticed that as she turned, he could see around her neck curled a purple dragon tattoo. Raph froze and studied it momentarily before turning away. It couldn't be…She couldn't be part of…  
He forced the thought from his head and followed everyone into the dining room, seating himself on the far end of the table, away from Karai.

At dinner, Raph sat as far away from Karai as physically possible, all the while avoiding her eyes, despite the fact he could feel her gaze on him every now and then. The tension around the table was practically visible, Leo could barely stand it. Thinking of a way to break it, he turned to Karai, hoping that she might have something to say.  
"Anything new going on that I don't know about?" For a moment, Karai glanced away, thoughtfully before smiling slightly. She placed her cutlery onto the plate and reached for her glass of water.  
"Actually, a friend of mine is having a party next Friday. She said I could invite a couple of friends. Why don't you guys come?"  
Leo looked hesitant. "I don't know. There will probably be alcohol there, won't there? I don't want…"

"Relax, bro," Donnie exclaimed, cutting Leo off, "You know I don't drink and I can keep Mikey and Raph away from the booze."  
"Please, can we go," Mikey begged, "I'm itching for a good party." Leo sighed as he glanced at his youngest brother's eager face, and his other brothers' rather indifferent face. HE glanced at his father, hoping that he might make some sort of protest, but he shrugged slightly, turning his attention back to his dinner plate. He turned to Karai, who seemed ready to put on puppy dog eyes if he should deny her invitation. He sighed heavily, defeated.  
"I guess we can come. Where is the party?"  
"It's at one of the warehouses by the docks," she replied. "Number 33 or something; I'll text you when I know the exact location."

There wasn't any more talk about the party after that, but just the thought of that bothered Raphael. He hated the docks, and the entire industrial area of the place in general, but the others didn't know that. And knowing Leo, he'd probably drag Raphael there by force if he didn't want to go. And just trying to explain why he hated the docks so much would take too much time, and it would be way above and beyond his comfort zone. So, if he was forced to go, which was more than likely, he would just grin and bear it.

* * *

Mikey wasn't sure if he should be worried about Raph. He seemed really agitated ever since Karai had shown up. He wondered if he was the only one that noticed how Raph had practically run up to his room and bolted the door immediately after she had left. Did he have something against Leo's girlfriend? With the curiosity getting the better of him, Mike found himself heading up the stairs to Raphael's bedroom. He stopped at the door and stared at the doorknob; ninety five percent of the time, Raph had the door locked, but surprisingly, the door opened as he twisted the handle.

Hesitantly, he poked his head into the room, and when he saw the window to his bedroom was open, he entered the room, feeling slightly more at ease. Mikey stuck his head out the window and saw Raph seated on the edge of the rooftop, his legs dangling over the edge. His eyes were directed towards the darkening sky. He seemed lost in thought and completely oblivious to Mikey's presence. It wasn't until Mikey hit his head as he climbed through the window that Raph realized he wasn't alone.

"Fuck, Mikey," Raph cursed, "Don't sneak up on a guy like that."  
"Sorry," he muttered in apology, rubbing the bump on his head. He carefully slid down the slant of the roof to sit next to his brother. "You don't mind if I join you?" Raph shrugged and turned his gaze back to the sky.  
"It's not my roof," he muttered. A comfortable silence fell between the two of them, and for a small while, Mikey got lost in the dark orange that the sky was becoming. Once the sun had entirely set, fading from orange to a dark navy color, Mikey turned to his brother, intent on asking him about Karai. But he stopped as he ran the question through his mind, trying to phrase it correctly; he didn't want to anger Raph or anything like that.

"Why don't you like Karai," Mikey asked. Raph gave Mike a side glance before turning back to the horizon.  
"Who says I don't like her?"  
"Well, you were kind of giving her the stink eye at dinner and then you ran up here as soon as possible after she was gone. I just assumed you didn't like her…or that you're afraid of girls or something." Mikey bit his tongue, his body tense, regretting what he had said about Raph's possible fear of girls. But he relaxed as he saw Raph smirk, amused by his words.  
"No, it's nothing like that; it's hard to explain," he muttered.

"Well, explain; I'm a good listener," Mikey stated, eager to hear what his brother had to say. The possibility that Raph might actually want to share something about himself to Mikey made him excited; he really wanted Raph to be more open, and he would help if need be.  
"Her tattoo," Raph muttered, his hand motioning to his neck, "Reminded me of someone. Someone I knew I long time ago…" As he fell back into silence, Mikey could see a dark, an almost haunted look appear in his brother's eyes.

"Were you friends with this someone," Mikey questioned, his voice soft, pressing for more, but not sure where the limit of asking questions lied. He didn't want to make Raph mad, or worse, send him into one of those "flashbacks" as Donnie had called them. There was a long pause between Mikey's question and Raph's answer, but after some time, the tense air that was beginning to develop dissolved and Raph turned to Mikey, his amber eyes meeting Mikey's blue eyes.

"No, we weren't friends, we were enemies. The tattoo, it labels him as a part of this gang called "The Purple Dragons"; at least, I think that's what they're called. They're a shady bunch of people…and I hope Karai ain't part of them. If she is, Leo doesn't need a girl like her."  
"Oh," was all Mike could muster to say. He hadn't expected an answer like that. In fact, that was probably the longest explanation that Mikey had heard Raph say. He was glad that Raph had decided to be very forthright with him, and he was surprised to hear that Raph had concern for Leo's wellbeing; Mikey had always assumed that Leo was the only one, besides their father, that was truly concerned with everyone's wellbeing. Leo always assumed the duty of big brother and made it his job to worry about everyone else. But it was nice to know that Raph that was beginning to truly be part of the family.

* * *

**A/N: I'm so sorry about such a slow update. I know I've been neglecting this story for awhile and that is entirely my fault. I've recently become re-obsessed with some of my favourite animes, and then story ideas started popping into my mind and I had to write it down. But please do not worry; I am very intent on finishing this story, but it will take time. But I will tell you know that the end is near (at least, I think it is). And, I want to thank you all for those who have favourited and or are following, and also to those who have commented; it is always encouraging. **


	11. Chapter Eleven: The Past Returns

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to producers. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: The Past Returns**

"Why the hell do I have to go to this stupid party," he demanded, slamming the front door to the house. Leo glanced at him over his shoulder, clearly annoyed; this had been the third time Raph had repeated the question, and he had yet to receive an answer.  
"Because we were all invited," Leo explained, as he walked around to the driver side of the truck. Raph allowed Mikey and Donnie to pile into the vehicle first before he jumped in, slamming the door shut.

"The only reason she invited us is because you're her boyfriend and we were sitting right in front of her; she ain't doing it because she likes us, she's just doing it to earn more brownie points with you," Raph growled in response. Leo's eyes narrowed, his hands momentarily tightening on the wheel, before he turned towards his brother.  
"Karai doesn't need to earn any brownie points with me," Leo explained, his voice cool, "Are you making an assumption about her, Raph?" Raph noticed how Mikey and Donnie had both slumped in their seats, both of them physically uncomfortable at being literally caught in between the two.

"No, I ain't making any assumptions," Raph snapped. To be honest, he wasn't quite sure if he was trying to make an assumption about Karai, he just knew that he wasn't particularly fond of her. Ever since he had spotted that Purple Dragon tattoo, he couldn't shake the thought that she was involved with them. But he was more than likely paranoid, which didn't bother him in the slightest: a little paranoia never hurt anyone.

The drive over was agonizingly long for Raph; the very thought of being near all those warehouses bothered him. All through the night he had debated with himself about whether he should tell Leo about his problem with this part of town, but after several hours, and several slaps to the face later, Raph had decided against it. He would just have to grin and bear it.  
The warehouse was one that was closer to the docks, so the stench of salt water and garbage was very pungent. From the amount of cars that loitered about, parked haphazardly, Raph assumed that there was already a lot of people here. He couldn't help but groan; just what he needed, more unwanted social interaction with a bunch of strangers.

* * *

As the four of them entered through a side door, they were assaulted with a deafening noise of electronic-techno music, strobe lights, and fog that lingered close to the ground. Besides the flashing of the strobes, and the dancing of the colored lights that swung about, it was pretty dark. As his eyes adjusted to the dimness, he could see that there was a decent sized crowd that hovered near the middle of the warehouse, all of them moving to the drop of the bass as it vibrated through the floor and into his chest..

He assumed that Karai was either very wealthy, or she had friends in high places that could get her such things as a DJ, strobe lights and such for a discount.  
"Okay guys," Leo yelled over the noise, "Go have fun, but no drinking. And don't take anything anyone offers you." The three of them gave an affirmative before the four of them parted ways. As his brothers headed towards the mob of dancers, Raph slid along the wall, stopping short of where a refreshment table sat. He was not going to get involved in that mosh pit of people; the very thought of being surrounded by that many people made his skin crawl.

He hated parties, especially the ones that involved alcohol; it wasn't so much the party that was the problem, it was the people. He hated being around drunks and how unbelievably stupid they could get. The people that he had seen pull out of the crowd momentarily for a breather did not seem drunk, not yet at least, but more so high. Even in the poor lighting, he could see that something was being passed back and forth between these three girls.

More than anything, he just hoped that one of his brothers would want to leave soon; here's hoping on Donnie. But Raph really couldn't see that happening anytime soon; he had been glancing at his watch since they had arrived, and they had only been here for fifteen minutes. And despite neither Donnie nor Leo being one to party hardy, Raph could see that they had their reasons to stay. Leo stayed for Karai, and Donnie stayed for April.

Lost in thought, he hadn't noticed that there was someone else lingering along the walls of the warehouse. But unlike Raph, this person was not watching the crowd, he could feel the stranger's eyes on him.

His heart froze as he took a side glance at the man standing uncomfortably close to him. He was large, both in height and muscle. His hair, a light, almost platinum blonde, was tied back into a pony tail that hung just above his shoulders. His eyes were hidden under a dark pair of shades, but the smirk that he wore on his face said that he was amused.

"That's a nice necklace you got there," he yelled over the noise, his gaze drifting down to the silver bird that hung around Raph's neck. He barely heard the words over the blaring of the music, but he understood as much by the way the man briefly pointed up to his neck. Raph gave a nod in thanks and turned his eyes back to the dancing crowd.

A brush of air by his head and a sudden weight on his shoulders and suddenly this stranger had his arm around Raph, pulling himself close so their heads were almost touching.  
"It looked just as good on Angel as it does on you," he whispered. Raph felt his blood freeze despite the warmth the room gave off from all the people inside. Other than his dreams, he hadn't heard that voice in years.  
Hun pulled Raph close, keeping him in a python like grip.  
"Who'd have thought that the runaway puppy would find its way home?"

His heart hammered against his ribcage, the blood pounding in his ears, drowning out the whine of the techno music. He wanted to scream, to move, anything to get someone's attention, to get away from this monster that had ruined his childhood. But he was frozen to the spot as flashes of memories assaulted him, stealing the very breath from his lungs. Suddenly, he was drawn from his mind as he felt a round object being pressed against his spine.

"Cause a scene and you get a bullet in the back, understood," he growled, his lips pressed against Raph's ear. He straightened his body, muscles stiffening as he felt the muzzle of gun pressed against the small of his back. Hun shoved him in the shoulder, urging him to move.  
From where he stood, he could see Leo and Donnie out in the crowd, the two of them sticking out due to their height advantage; they were so close. He stared at them, hoping that they'd feel someone's eyes on them. Reluctantly, he dragged his feet and moved, Hun directing him with one of his baseball glove sized hands on his shoulder, the muzzle of the gun nudging him in the small of his back.

* * *

Leo couldn't ignore how the feeling he was having, as though someone had just walked over his grave. He glanced away from Karai's face for a moment to regain his bearings for a moment. He scanned the dance floor, looking for each of his brothers in the dimness and the chaotic flashing of strobes and colored lights. Donnie was near the edge of the crowd with April and Casey, who Mikey had invited moments before they left the house. Mikey was close to the DJ table, watching enthusiastically as the DJ spun his records. He turned his attention over to the far wall, nearest the doors, where he had last seen Raph, who was now no longer there.

He scanned the room, squinting in the dark as colored lights flashed about and a sea of bodies swam around him. Leo began to feel a familiar sense of panic build in the pit of his gut that spread to his chest the longer he searched about; Raph was nowhere in sight.

The last several times he had looked, Raph had been standing against the far wall of the warehouse, close to where the entrance was. Perhaps he had left to get some air, but there was a sick feeling in Leo's gut that Raphael wouldn't do such a thing. Ever since the mention of the party, Raph had been very reluctant about going. He had wanted to stay at home, and Leo had forced him to come.  
And now he was gone. Again.  
And it was his fault.

**A/N: Merry Christmas everyone; here is a gift to you all! I hope you enjoyed this and, again, I am sorry for the long wait for an update. I will try to update again before the New Year, but that may not happen…So, yeah. Anyways, happy holidays and thank you to all of you once again; you are an inspiring, encouraging group of people. : )**


	12. Chapter Twelve: Pulled Back Under

**Summary: Human AU: After Raphael is kidnapped at the age of five, his family was devastated. They never stopped searching for him, but after eleven years, they fall to the conclusion that he must truly be gone. But when the Hamato family receives a phone call early in the morning, they are overwhelmed to hear that Raphael is alive and well. But after such a large time gap, and a crude upbringing, is the Raphael they knew still inside this hardened shell of a teenager.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or its characters. All rights go to producers. I just put their characters into ****my ****story.**

**A/N: Warning: This following Chapter contains content that may be disturbing to some viewers. NSFW.  
**

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Pulled Back Under

_"But if these years have taught me anything it is this; you can never runaway. Not ever. The only way out is in." ~Junot Diaz, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao  
_

* * *

Leo had felt his heart stop for a moment as his brain took the time to process that Raphael was gone, once again, when he was designated to look out for his younger brothers. The warmth that he had been feeling from dancing among the sweaty crowd suddenly turned ice cold, chilling him to his bones. Pulling away from Karai, he began to elbow his way through the crowd towards where he had last seen Raph. Since they had arrived here, Leo had seen Raph standing near the refreshments table, and he highly doubted that Raph would just up and disappear like that.

"Leo, what's wrong," Karai yelled over the chaos of the music.  
"Raph's gone."  
"Maybe he just went to get some fresh air," Karai exclaimed as they drifted away from the crowd.  
"No, he wouldn't do that."

He paced nervously along the dancing and gyrating crowd. Among the flashing of the lights, he noticed Casey and April by the refreshments table. Perhaps there had been a chance that they had seen Raphael before he disappeared.  
"Hey, Leo," April greeted, raising her cup of punch to him in acknowledgement. "Are you and Karai-"  
"Have either of you seen Raphael," he demanded, cutting April off mid sentence. "It's really important I find him." The two exchanged a look, either out of concern or out question. April shook her head, but Casey spoke up.

"Yeah, I saw some massive hulk of a guy standing next to him," Casey exclaimed, "They started talking, and from what I saw, it looked like that guy was trying to hit on Raph."  
"Did you see them leave," Leo demanded, near hysterics, grabbing Casey roughly by the shoulders. Shaking off his grip, Casey took a step back.

"No, I didn't see them leave." _Shit_, he thought. His heart thumped in his chest, threatening to break through his ribcage. He paced the floor for a moment before heading towards the nearest exit. If Raph wasn't inside, he had to be outside.  
"Leo, where are you going?"  
"To find my brother," Leo snapped. He stopped, regretting the harsh tone he had used with Karai. "I can't really explain it right now, but I will later. Can you get

Mikey and Donnie and tell them to come after me; I'll be outside waiting." Karai's brow furrowed in concern, but she nodded, slipping away from his side to retrieve his brothers. Leo made his way towards the exit. The cool night air that assaulted him did not help calm his frazzled nerves. He began to pace as he waited for Mikey and Donnie to come outside, desperately trying to organize his thoughts. He couldn't lose his focus right this moment; he had to be clear headed and rational to deal with the problem at hand.  
He really hoped that Raph was alright; he didn't want to consider any of the scenarios that were running through his head.

* * *

_"Too bad you ain't a girl," one of them chuckled as he thrust deeper inside of him, "Otherwise, my men wouldn't have to stand around and wait for me to finish with ya. You'd have just enough holes for each of us."  
By now, he had learned to tune out whatever these monsters were saying to him; whatever they said became repetitive anyway. But this comment, Raph had never heard before, and hearing it made him thank the heavens he wasn't a girl. But he couldn't help but think of poor Angel, who had been taken to Hun's room an hour or so ago; she'd been here a lot longer than he had, and it was more than likely that she had experienced that awful sensation.  
The door to the room suddenly slammed open, with Hun leering in the doorway like a mad bull._

_"Get the fuck out," Hun growled, grabbing one of the men by the arm and throwing him towards the door. "You think you can fuck around with me?"_  
_"What are you talking about?"one of the clients asked, nonchalantly._  
_"You bunch of fuckers and your scam," Hun yelled. He held up one of his fists, hundred dollar bills clenched in his hand. "You bunch of scammers! You think you can get service with your Monopoly money?" Hun's face had begun to turn an angry red color as he continued to glare at the men. When the men remained where they were, Hun balled up his fists and lunged at the closest one, who jumped in fright. Slowly, they turned towards the door and left, leaving Hun and Raph alone._

_Hun's eyes leered down at him, a ravenous glint in them. Raph couldn't help but notice how Hun licked his lips as he continued to stare down at Raph's naked body. Slowly, Hun seated himself on the edge of the bed._

_ "Oh, poor lamb," Hun cooed, caressing his jaw roughly with his baseball glove of a hand. His hand traveled down to Raph's neck, and continued to move lower and lower, until reaching his hips. Hun placed his other hand on Raph's other hip and pressed him back down to the bed.  
"He was awful rough with you, wasn't he?" One hand moved lower to grip his loins._

_ "I'm sure I could do a much better job with you than they ever could." Hun whispered, his breath tickling Raph's neck. "I would be much gentler than them too. You'd thank me in the end."  
_

* * *

Raph felt his heart clench in fear as the pop-up memory faded. His feet dragged along the concrete as Hun continued to push him forward, urging each step he took with a nudge of the gun in his back. He was desperately struggling to calm his nerves, trying to quiet the pounding of blood in his ears, the thrumming of his heart against his rib and his breathing, which was getting shallower by the minute. He had to think of a way out of this; there was no way he was going to let Hun take advantage of him like he had done for all those years. There was just no way he was going to allow anyone, especially Hun, to violate him ever again. He was afraid to think of what would happen to his psyche if the past was forcibly pushed into his present.

Hun pulled at the chains to a rollup door that was stationed at the loading bay of the warehouse. He forced Raph inside before pulling the door closed. The windows of the warehouse let in the moonlight, leaving strange patterns on the concrete floor.  
"Just you and me now," Hun chuckled, his voice husky and deep. Hun led him into a side room of the warehouse, an office. It was dark except for a weak stream of moonlight that shone through some very dirty windows.  
The door was slammed shut, and he was dragged over towards a desk that sat positioned underneath one of the windows. Hun seated himself on the edge of the desk, placing the gun at his side. He forced Raph to his knees, his hands tangling roughly in his hair. With one hand still tangled in Raph's hair, the other skillfully unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, wiggling them and his boxers down his thighs.

"You are going to make me feel good, you little slut," he growled. "And if you bite, I will do more than knock in your teeth." Hun shifted himself off of the desk and positioned himself directly in front of Raph, making it impossible not to look at Hun's dick. Pushing on the back of his head, Raph was forced closer and closer to Hun's steadily hardening member.

His mouth wrapped around Hun's member, and he closed his eyes as he tried to block out the sickening, familiar feel of cock in his mouth. Hun's grip in his hair tightened, steadying himself as he began to thrust down into Raph's throat. Raph ground his knuckles into his thighs as his mouth and throat slowly adjusted to the familiar feel.  
For a moment, his mind came to a halt. His eyes were watering as he nearly choked on Hun's dick, who seemed to be going at it intentionally rough. He flared his nostrils, trying to get in a breath as it seemed like Hun was taking up his entire throat. And this was only the beginning; it'd start with a blow job, but it would progress to the point where he was butt naked with Hun shoving himself inside of Raph. The fog inside his head continued to build as Hun continued to thrust inside of Raph's mouth, who was lazily licking at Hun's member.

_Stop, _he told himself, trying to shake the fog from his brain, _Don't do that again. You're withdrawing; you can't withdraw this time. You need to get the fuck out of here. _As quickly as his thoughts had come to a halt, they all came speeding back, trampling one over the other as his mind raced, trying to think of a way out. For a moment or two, he internally screamed at himself to shut up. He did not have the time for this, he'd just have to go with the simplest option he had available.

_I've had enough of this shit,_ he thought.

He bit down as hard as he possibly could. The scream that came from Hun sounded almost inhuman. Raph pulled away, spitting as he tried to get the taste out of his mouth. Hun was clutching his groin, and Raph could see droplets of blood dripping on to the ground.  
"You little shit," Hun growled. He grabbed at the gun that he had placed on the desk by his side. He aimed at Raph and pulled the trigger before he could even react to seeing the barrel of the gun staring him down.  
But luck must have been on his side as he felt the brush of air by his cheek. He glanced over his shoulder and noticed the slight indents in the wall behind him that the bullets had left. _The fucker nearly blew my face off. _Kicking himself into high gear, Raph turned and ran out of the office, hoping to gain as much ground as he could while Hun recovered from having someone bite his man parts.

He glanced around, looking for the nearest exit. Spotting a side door several feet away, he ran over to it. He yanked at the door, and realizing it was locked, took off towards the far end of the warehouse. His feet pounded against the concrete, back towards the rollup door. He grabbed at the chains and yanked at them, pulling them up just enough for him to slide under. After locking the chain into place so the door wouldn't fall back down and crush him, he dropped to the ground and began to wiggle his way underneath.  
It was a tight fit, and Raph wished he had pulled it up just a bit more since he could feel the metal scrapping against his shirt and skin.

"Raph!"  
At the sound of his name, Raph turned his head and spotted his brothers running towards him at a break neck pace. Hallelujah! ; He had never felt happier to see anyone in his life before. His heart was beating frantically in his chest, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He was almost out.  
Then he felt a hand clamp around his ankle.

He began to be slowly dragged back underneath the loading bay door, inch by inch, his freedom slipping away. He clawed at the concrete, and tried to pull himself forward and away from Hun. But with Hun's strength, and with nothing for Raph to grab onto, it was a losing battle. He felt Hun grasp his other ankle. Shit, no, not now. He was so close, he could taste freedom. He glanced back towards his brothers, who were still too far away to reach out and touch him. His nails were sliding uselessly along the concrete, leaving small little white scratches in the pavement.  
"Leo!" he cried, "Help me!"

The remainder of him slid back underneath the loading bay door, his bare back grazing the bottom as his t shirt slid up. The door slammed shut as it hit the ground, the chains rattling as Hun locked into place.  
"You've really done it now, you little cunt," he growled, "You're going to regret doing that."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, I'm very sorry for such a long wait. I was stuck on this chapter for awhile, and school was attacking me with all these essays. But exams are finally over, so I am back! Hope you enjoyed this installment! I'm hoping to have the next chapter up within the next week. Hopefully this isn't riddled with errors, I was sort of rushing through editing because I really wanted to post it because I know lots of you have been waiting. :)**


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